Eleven Years...

35w2d

Happy Anniversary to me and my fabulous husband Russ!  It's been 11 years since we had that glorious ceremony and party and while it feels like yesterday, it also seems like it's been forever - in a good way.

One year ago today, we celebrated 10 years of marriage (obviously).  The day started out with a trip to the RE to get my blood drawn for my beta on our 3rd IVF attempt.  Coincidentally, one of my best friends was getting her beta drawn the same day (CRAZY, huh?) at the same time so we met there and then went to breakfast.  Beta days for me were always highly anxiety inducing.  This one was both that and exciting because Russ and I were going to go away to NC to a sweet (and as it turned out luxurious) bed and breakfast to celebrate our anniversary, regardless of the phone call we were to receive.  I had been apprehensive about making plans on that day, not knowing what my state of mind would be later on when the call came, but we decided that sitting around here, waiting wasn't going to help.  (We always took the afternoon off work and literally sat here together staring at the phone, waiting for the call on beta day - perhaps not the most healthful of practices, but we couldn't do it any other way)

So we left for NC and started driving, butterflies in my tummy the whole way down.  At about 3 pm, the call came - we were on some highway in NC...  My angel nurse Farrah gave us the bad news.  I hung up the phone and we quickly realized we had missed our exit.  It was a great distraction as we turned the car around and tried to figure out where we were going.  I sniffled a little.  He might have sighed an expletive (likely "F**k") over the news and we literally moved on.  It was by the far the easiest BFN call we had received.  I guess it was because we still had so much to celebrate that day.  Also because we were going to a new place where we could just pretend that we weren't the infertile couple, we were the married happily for 10 years couple who were going to a romantic weekend together. Of course, we were both but why dwell on the IF part? 

At that time, we weren't sure that a 4th attempt was possible ($$$) and we certainly never dreamed that there would be a 5th IVF.  But when I think back to that time, a year ago today, I can't help but remember feeling happy that if I had to go through the evils of IF, I was blessed to be able to go through it with Russ.  In fact, I dare say, that if anyone has to go through it, let it be a couple like us who can manage it without many of the destructive words and behavior that impact so many couples through no fault of their own.  i know it seems easy for me to say considering my current condition, but I remember thinking that no matter what happened in the future, we were going to be OK - better than OK in fact because we had each other. 

So, happy anniversary Russ!!!  Things are much different this year and yet that sense of peace that you've always provided me has grown knowing that you're by my side as we begin our new adventure together.