I'm not trying to brag, but I just have to express how amazing my husband is and how much I wish she could be a stay at home dad. Today is his fourth day home and he is loving it! I come home from work and laundry is done, the house is clean and Sofia is happy. He's a natural. AND? He's letting me get LOTS of sleep. Last night I went to bed at 7! I was up in the night with him because Sofia was crying for some crazy reason from 1:30-2:00 am but then I was sent directly back to bed and slept until I had to get up at 5. So, yes, I got 9 hours of sleep. I could learn to get used to this!!! I know the lack of sleep is going to catch up with him at some point, but he claims he is fine right now. Remember that we don't sleep together right now - one of us (him) is always with Sofia because we're too damn nervous to leave her alone. So his sleep quality is poor - he's sleeping on the chair in her room (a nice big chair, but still) or the couch. He rocks!
In Sofia news, we really have to allow her to learn to fall asleep on her own and to sleep on her back. She'll be sleeping so peacefully with us in our arms and then we put her down in her crib and she squirms and is restless and often wakes up. I've read every book there is and I'm still not sure what to do. The books assume we put her down, walk away and don't realize she's restless. But we watch her (either right there in her room or through the video monitor) so we know when she's thrashing and try to comfort her. Maybe it's ok to get restless sleep? I don't know...
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Day One: SUCCESS
One day down...thousands more to go!
So my first day back to work was really good! Right now it's 2:30 and I'm getting ready to leave (our school day is from 7:25-2:10), go home and see my sweetie pies waiting for me there!
To be perfectly honest, today felt like a day of freedom. It was so strange to not be thinking constantly about feeding Sofia or changing Sofia or being quiet while she sleeps. It's not like those things are difficult or anything - in fact I love them. It's just weird to not feel so totally responsible during these hours. I actually got to shop on-line a little bit (shhh - don't tell!) and in general am having a happy day. Perhaps it's the novelty of being out of the house and maybe it'll wear off, but so far so good.
I spoke to Russ earlier and he put the phone to Sofia's ear while I spoke to her and he said she looked very confused. I can't wait to go home and kiss her!!!!
I'll leave you with a precious picture of my baby girl.
How did we get so lucky to have such a precious beautiful daughter? I keep pinching myself and can't believe it's real.
So my first day back to work was really good! Right now it's 2:30 and I'm getting ready to leave (our school day is from 7:25-2:10), go home and see my sweetie pies waiting for me there!
To be perfectly honest, today felt like a day of freedom. It was so strange to not be thinking constantly about feeding Sofia or changing Sofia or being quiet while she sleeps. It's not like those things are difficult or anything - in fact I love them. It's just weird to not feel so totally responsible during these hours. I actually got to shop on-line a little bit (shhh - don't tell!) and in general am having a happy day. Perhaps it's the novelty of being out of the house and maybe it'll wear off, but so far so good.
I spoke to Russ earlier and he put the phone to Sofia's ear while I spoke to her and he said she looked very confused. I can't wait to go home and kiss her!!!!
I'll leave you with a precious picture of my baby girl.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Coming Clean
Sofia is 12 weeks and 3 days old
Today was my last day with Sofia. I'm acting like I'm never going to see her again! That's ridiculous. I leave for work so freaking early (6:15 am) and she doesn't even get up until 8 or so and then goes right back for a nap. I'll be home by 3:15 and for the next 6 weeks so will Russ - bonus!! It will be fine. I have no idea how I'd feel if I had the slightest option of staying home. I feel like I'd want to work some, but given the option I'm not sure what I'd do. I keep telling Sofia that I have to go to work Monday because I don't want her to be homeless. =)
I've been thinking a lot and coming to terms with some things and this seems like the appropriate place to discuss it. I'm pretty sure that I'm battling some low-level form of post-partum depression. I've come to this conclusion by listening to interviews that Oprah conducted with both Brooke Shields (and other mothers on that particular episode that I heard on satellite radio) and Marie Osmond today. Since Sofia has come, I have overwhelming feelings of anxiety and isolation. I feel happy, but scared and alone. Sounds like an oxymoron, I know, but that's how I feel. I thought that it was normal, but when I was unable to eat and practically dry heaving every morning, it occurred to me that I may have a problem.
When I went to Dr back in October she suggested I try some anti-anxiety meds. I'm was hesitant and then finally agreed to a low dose of celexa. Why am I so ashamed of this? I work in the mental health field. I'm a huge supporter of friends who need this type of help. I guess I'm just not used to being the one who needs the help. Since I started the meds, I do feel a lot better. The anxiety especially has gone waaaay down and I'm no longer crying for no reason (I always blamed the crying on hormones though). I still feel isolated but I think that's to be expected since I don't see adults most days until Russ comes home and then it's just for a few minutes and then I'm off to bed.
Anyway, I don't know why I didn't reveal this earlier on my blog. Well, I do know why - I was embarrassed that I "couldn't handle it". I know that's not really what's happening. I know that these things have to do with chemicals in the brain, but after everything I've gone through to get here, I just couldn't admit that it wasn't perfect. Sofia? Oh, SHE'S perfect. =) Her mama? Not so much.
And I say all of that to say that I'm not dreading going to work Monday as much as I thought I would. Sure, I let some tears go today thinking about this was our last day together at home, but I'm ready to go back. (Or I'm psyching myself up because I know I don't have a choice!) I'm ready to feel in control again and to interact with the world. I just wish I could bring baby girl with me =).
Today was my last day with Sofia. I'm acting like I'm never going to see her again! That's ridiculous. I leave for work so freaking early (6:15 am) and she doesn't even get up until 8 or so and then goes right back for a nap. I'll be home by 3:15 and for the next 6 weeks so will Russ - bonus!! It will be fine. I have no idea how I'd feel if I had the slightest option of staying home. I feel like I'd want to work some, but given the option I'm not sure what I'd do. I keep telling Sofia that I have to go to work Monday because I don't want her to be homeless. =)
I've been thinking a lot and coming to terms with some things and this seems like the appropriate place to discuss it. I'm pretty sure that I'm battling some low-level form of post-partum depression. I've come to this conclusion by listening to interviews that Oprah conducted with both Brooke Shields (and other mothers on that particular episode that I heard on satellite radio) and Marie Osmond today. Since Sofia has come, I have overwhelming feelings of anxiety and isolation. I feel happy, but scared and alone. Sounds like an oxymoron, I know, but that's how I feel. I thought that it was normal, but when I was unable to eat and practically dry heaving every morning, it occurred to me that I may have a problem.
When I went to Dr back in October she suggested I try some anti-anxiety meds. I'm was hesitant and then finally agreed to a low dose of celexa. Why am I so ashamed of this? I work in the mental health field. I'm a huge supporter of friends who need this type of help. I guess I'm just not used to being the one who needs the help. Since I started the meds, I do feel a lot better. The anxiety especially has gone waaaay down and I'm no longer crying for no reason (I always blamed the crying on hormones though). I still feel isolated but I think that's to be expected since I don't see adults most days until Russ comes home and then it's just for a few minutes and then I'm off to bed.
Anyway, I don't know why I didn't reveal this earlier on my blog. Well, I do know why - I was embarrassed that I "couldn't handle it". I know that's not really what's happening. I know that these things have to do with chemicals in the brain, but after everything I've gone through to get here, I just couldn't admit that it wasn't perfect. Sofia? Oh, SHE'S perfect. =) Her mama? Not so much.
And I say all of that to say that I'm not dreading going to work Monday as much as I thought I would. Sure, I let some tears go today thinking about this was our last day together at home, but I'm ready to go back. (Or I'm psyching myself up because I know I don't have a choice!) I'm ready to feel in control again and to interact with the world. I just wish I could bring baby girl with me =).
Saturday, November 6, 2010
One Week Left
I go back to work in a week...November 15 to be exact. And then maternity leave is over. I will never get this time back. I will never have the chance to be with Sofia when my only purpose is to take care of her. Sure I have summers off and holiday breaks, but it won't be the same. I can't believe it's been 12 weeks already! (Total of almost 13 weeks once I go back) Was it everything i hoped it would be?
The first two weeks were such a blur, i barely remember a thing! It seemed like our place was super busy with my parents here and lots of welcomed visitors. The following weekend my best friends from home came to visit. Then the isolation started. Those first few weeks were just lonely. Sofia only slept and ate - there was no play time then. I would sit here just hoping that friends would come by and sometimes they would, but not as often as I had hoped. In retrospect, i should have opened my mouth a little and actually invited friends over more. Why do I expect people to read my mind?
So now i sit here and wonder if I've done enough with my time. Have I read to her enough? Was there enough tummy time? What about the TV? Did i have it on too much? I know it's not late for these things, but now my time with her will be limited and if I didn't get in enough reading now for instance, how can I possibly find the time in the future?
I'm thankful for this time and am going to try to take this next and final week very slowly and appreciate every single happy, laughing, crying, pooping moment.
The first two weeks were such a blur, i barely remember a thing! It seemed like our place was super busy with my parents here and lots of welcomed visitors. The following weekend my best friends from home came to visit. Then the isolation started. Those first few weeks were just lonely. Sofia only slept and ate - there was no play time then. I would sit here just hoping that friends would come by and sometimes they would, but not as often as I had hoped. In retrospect, i should have opened my mouth a little and actually invited friends over more. Why do I expect people to read my mind?
So now i sit here and wonder if I've done enough with my time. Have I read to her enough? Was there enough tummy time? What about the TV? Did i have it on too much? I know it's not late for these things, but now my time with her will be limited and if I didn't get in enough reading now for instance, how can I possibly find the time in the future?
I'm thankful for this time and am going to try to take this next and final week very slowly and appreciate every single happy, laughing, crying, pooping moment.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Catching up
11 weeks 2 days
WOW - time has flown. I can't believe it's been so long since I posted anything!!! My bad. I go back to work soon (boo!) and will be way more on top of blog world then.
So, what's happening in the world of Sofia? She's as sweet as ever... Her two month check was good. She's in the 95th percentile for height and weight (thank goodness she's proportioned!!), so we will have a big girl! She's wearing 3 month clothes, except for her plain white onsies which are now 6 month. She wears these under her swaddles and, now that it's colder, under some of her outfits. Soon she'll transition to more of her 3-6 or 6 month stuff - seems like she barely got to wear some of her things!
Eating/Digestion: She is currently eating Enfamil Nutramigen formula due to what appeared to be terrible abdominal pain and scaly skin on her face (sign of milk allergy)...I'm not totally convinced that it was the answer except for that her face cleared up beautifully and some of her pain went away. THEN, she began screaming with her bottle and the dr had told us to look out for that because she thought her symptoms sounded like acid reflux (something I think is waaayy over diagnosed in infants). So i called the dr and she prescribed Zantac which almost immediately stopped her writhing in pain symptoms. So between the two, we're in good shape. EXCEPT for that she's started this evening thing where anytime between 5:30 and 7:30 she starts screaming and nothing helps her except sitting in the bathroom with the shower on. She had done it once or twice in the past, but it's become more frequent lately. Not sure if it's connected to the other things or not. She just seems overtired.
Sleeping: She is currently sleeping on our couch in a sleep positioner with me or Russ sitting or laying next to her. I know it sounds crazy, but it works for us right now and I feel it's a good step since she at least isn't sleeping right on top of us. The routine goes like this: Russ takes over when he gets home from work and we eat and then I get sent to bed to sleep soundly for a few hours before I'm on duty. Typically I go to bed between 7 and 8:30 (the earlier the better) and sleep until 1 or 2 am at the latest. Then I take over and Russ goes to bed (he gets up for work at around 8). Some have asked why we don't just have her in our bed and our reason is because we feel it's important to get some really good sleep without interruption. Things will have to change soon since I'll be going back to work and Russ will be staying home, but we'll figure that out then. My suspicion is that Russ will still let me get lots of sleep since I tend to need it more than he does.
Everytyhing is going really well. I still have days when I feel really lonely and isolated, but I suppose that's normal. I wish I had more friends who were home with their kids. In some ways I'm looking forward to going back to work, but mostly I'm sad about it. The good thing is that I can be home by 3:15 pm and every day Russ will be there (until January) and we'll have nice family time.
Here are some pictures from the past few days:
WOW - time has flown. I can't believe it's been so long since I posted anything!!! My bad. I go back to work soon (boo!) and will be way more on top of blog world then.
So, what's happening in the world of Sofia? She's as sweet as ever... Her two month check was good. She's in the 95th percentile for height and weight (thank goodness she's proportioned!!), so we will have a big girl! She's wearing 3 month clothes, except for her plain white onsies which are now 6 month. She wears these under her swaddles and, now that it's colder, under some of her outfits. Soon she'll transition to more of her 3-6 or 6 month stuff - seems like she barely got to wear some of her things!
Eating/Digestion: She is currently eating Enfamil Nutramigen formula due to what appeared to be terrible abdominal pain and scaly skin on her face (sign of milk allergy)...I'm not totally convinced that it was the answer except for that her face cleared up beautifully and some of her pain went away. THEN, she began screaming with her bottle and the dr had told us to look out for that because she thought her symptoms sounded like acid reflux (something I think is waaayy over diagnosed in infants). So i called the dr and she prescribed Zantac which almost immediately stopped her writhing in pain symptoms. So between the two, we're in good shape. EXCEPT for that she's started this evening thing where anytime between 5:30 and 7:30 she starts screaming and nothing helps her except sitting in the bathroom with the shower on. She had done it once or twice in the past, but it's become more frequent lately. Not sure if it's connected to the other things or not. She just seems overtired.
Sleeping: She is currently sleeping on our couch in a sleep positioner with me or Russ sitting or laying next to her. I know it sounds crazy, but it works for us right now and I feel it's a good step since she at least isn't sleeping right on top of us. The routine goes like this: Russ takes over when he gets home from work and we eat and then I get sent to bed to sleep soundly for a few hours before I'm on duty. Typically I go to bed between 7 and 8:30 (the earlier the better) and sleep until 1 or 2 am at the latest. Then I take over and Russ goes to bed (he gets up for work at around 8). Some have asked why we don't just have her in our bed and our reason is because we feel it's important to get some really good sleep without interruption. Things will have to change soon since I'll be going back to work and Russ will be staying home, but we'll figure that out then. My suspicion is that Russ will still let me get lots of sleep since I tend to need it more than he does.
Everytyhing is going really well. I still have days when I feel really lonely and isolated, but I suppose that's normal. I wish I had more friends who were home with their kids. In some ways I'm looking forward to going back to work, but mostly I'm sad about it. The good thing is that I can be home by 3:15 pm and every day Russ will be there (until January) and we'll have nice family time.
Here are some pictures from the past few days:
For Halloween she was a daisy! We didn't get a great shot of her awake - probably need to throw the costume on her this weekend and get some better pics!
I love this picture! She always puts her arms up like this when she's sleeping and it's sooo cute!
OK, how crazy cute is this hat??
They gave her a special sticker when we voted yesterday...and another cute hat - this one a nice, warm one.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Two months!!!
Today our little Sofia is two months old. WOW. We've had her for a long time already and she's getting so big and I feel like she's going to be going to kindergarten before we know it.
She is doing very well... We have her on Nutramigen formula and it seems to be helping the gas issues, although it's still not perfect. She had symptoms of a milk allergy and now many of those are gone (dry skin being a major one). Wednesday we go to the pediatrician so I'll ask more about it. She's getting her first shots (oh no!) where I have to be present to witness them (the very first one was in the hospital, out of my view). Luckily Russ is going with me...
My mom is visiting this week!! Finally. She hasn't seen her since she was 2 weeks old. I feel so guilty about living so far away. I'm thrilled that she'll be here soon.
Thursday night I begin teaching the parenting class that I've been teaching for a few years. It's geared toward parents of teenagers (I'm a middle school counselor) and it's one of my favorite things that I do. Of course now that I've actually been a parent for short amount of time, I have a whole new respect for it!! I'm trying very hard to not judge how others parent because in this short time, i realize that we try our best, but sometimes we just don't know what the heck we're doing!! When I agreed to teach the class, I thought it would be nice to get out of the house while I'm on leave. But now that it's here, i sort of wish i wasn't doing it. I need the money for Christmas gifts though so I need to remember that. It's only for 5 weeks.
Our birth announcements finally went out this week. I LOVE the picture we got. We took it ourselves and I think it turned out beautifully. We put her on the bed and covered our pillows with the sheet. I stuck my hand under the sheet to support her head - you can see my hand to the left of her head. Seriously, she gets cuter every single day. I know I'm not supposed to say stuff like that but if I can't say it YOU (who I'm always brutally honest with), then who can I say it to? =) Here it is, she's 7 weeks old here:
She is doing very well... We have her on Nutramigen formula and it seems to be helping the gas issues, although it's still not perfect. She had symptoms of a milk allergy and now many of those are gone (dry skin being a major one). Wednesday we go to the pediatrician so I'll ask more about it. She's getting her first shots (oh no!) where I have to be present to witness them (the very first one was in the hospital, out of my view). Luckily Russ is going with me...
My mom is visiting this week!! Finally. She hasn't seen her since she was 2 weeks old. I feel so guilty about living so far away. I'm thrilled that she'll be here soon.
Thursday night I begin teaching the parenting class that I've been teaching for a few years. It's geared toward parents of teenagers (I'm a middle school counselor) and it's one of my favorite things that I do. Of course now that I've actually been a parent for short amount of time, I have a whole new respect for it!! I'm trying very hard to not judge how others parent because in this short time, i realize that we try our best, but sometimes we just don't know what the heck we're doing!! When I agreed to teach the class, I thought it would be nice to get out of the house while I'm on leave. But now that it's here, i sort of wish i wasn't doing it. I need the money for Christmas gifts though so I need to remember that. It's only for 5 weeks.
Our birth announcements finally went out this week. I LOVE the picture we got. We took it ourselves and I think it turned out beautifully. We put her on the bed and covered our pillows with the sheet. I stuck my hand under the sheet to support her head - you can see my hand to the left of her head. Seriously, she gets cuter every single day. I know I'm not supposed to say stuff like that but if I can't say it YOU (who I'm always brutally honest with), then who can I say it to? =) Here it is, she's 7 weeks old here:
Monday, October 4, 2010
Progress
Tomorrow Sofia will be 7 weeks old! Time has flown and I'm fearful that in a blink I'll be back at work (I have 6 more weeks left) and I'm not appreciating every moment I have with her now.
We've made great progress over the past few days. Not only is she consistently sleeping in her car seat (remember that this is progress because she was only sleeping in our arms), but today she napped for 2 hours in her bassinet!! (the one on the pack n play) That is HUGE!! I'm hopeful she'll start sleeping in it at night too. At night, we take turns sleeping out in the living room on the couch so that the other person can get restful sleep. The hope is that eventually she sleeps in our bedroom where we have the bassinet set up.
The other great thing is that she seems to be taking a pacifier finally!! I know - why is this good? Well, it's wonderful because up until now the only thing she wanted was my finger! And lately she would take Russ's finger too, but can you imagine how inconvenient that is?? Not only was I holding her the whole time, but much of that time my finger was in her mouth! No wonder I couldn't get anything done. So now she is happy with a pacifier and while that might be starting a new bad habit, at least it helps her soothe and sleep.
We took pictures of her today and finally ordered our birth announcements. She'll be nearly 2 months old before they go out, but that's alright - they're going out at least right??
Here is one of my favorite pictures. It was going to be on the announcement but we went in a different direction so I'll share it here. I'm going to enlarge a copy and give it to my mom - her two girls, sleeping...
We've made great progress over the past few days. Not only is she consistently sleeping in her car seat (remember that this is progress because she was only sleeping in our arms), but today she napped for 2 hours in her bassinet!! (the one on the pack n play) That is HUGE!! I'm hopeful she'll start sleeping in it at night too. At night, we take turns sleeping out in the living room on the couch so that the other person can get restful sleep. The hope is that eventually she sleeps in our bedroom where we have the bassinet set up.
The other great thing is that she seems to be taking a pacifier finally!! I know - why is this good? Well, it's wonderful because up until now the only thing she wanted was my finger! And lately she would take Russ's finger too, but can you imagine how inconvenient that is?? Not only was I holding her the whole time, but much of that time my finger was in her mouth! No wonder I couldn't get anything done. So now she is happy with a pacifier and while that might be starting a new bad habit, at least it helps her soothe and sleep.
We took pictures of her today and finally ordered our birth announcements. She'll be nearly 2 months old before they go out, but that's alright - they're going out at least right??
Here is one of my favorite pictures. It was going to be on the announcement but we went in a different direction so I'll share it here. I'm going to enlarge a copy and give it to my mom - her two girls, sleeping...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)