Friday, January 6, 2012

Missing Home

How did I live without my blog for so long? Maybe I'm just excited to be back and once the freshness wears out, I'll feel differently, but right now I am just loving being back in my bloggy world! 

Coming home after spending the holidays at home (Buffalo home, childhood home) is always hard.  I start fantasizing about what life would be like if we lived close to my family.  It breaks my heart to watch my mom say goodbye to Sofia.  I start thinking about how my mom could see her almost every day and the happiness that it would bring her. I feel that it is so important for Sofia to grow up close to family, but then I wonder if it is worth the cost to us both literally ($$, jobs are scarce there) and figuratively (Russ does not want to live there for various reasons: weather, opportunities, lack of diversity, and more).  We love our life, though, and I can't imagine how it could get any better.  Maybe if they moved here?  Which will never happen.  It's hard.

Here's what I fear:  We move back and their (my family's) world does not stop for us and we don't see them as much as I think we would.  The amount of quality time Sofia spends with my mom now is huge.  On visits, they are spending 24/7 together.  If we lived there, it might be a 6 hours per week?  More or less sometimes?  It would just be more regular time.  The weeks/months apart is really hard.

So my is coming to visit in 2 weeks for my birthday.  Very exciting.  I'm trying to figure out what fun things we can do.  My birthday falls on a Saturday so I want to do something all day with Sofia, my mom, and Russ.  I'm a little obsessed with figuring out where I want to eat.  Sofia does very well in restaurants so anything is a possibility.  I haven't been with my mom for my birthday in years, so I'm happy.

When you guys are writing your blog, does the fact that this is a permanent record that your family (spouses, kids, siblings, possibly parents, friends) will someday read?  This thought inhibits what I write.  All the time. (strangely enough, I have no problem with these people reading about my personal stuff *think aggressive wiper post*.  It's my feelings towards certain people that I don't want down on record.  It would most likely just be venting, but I'd hate for one day anyone thinking I didn't love them because I vented about them in a blog once.  Hmm...


  1. Two posts in a week?! You're doing great! I'm sure it's hard to be away from family, but it makes it that much more exciting when you see them again. (You know, absence makes the heart grow fonder).

    How exciting to have your family here for your birthday! Hope you find a good place to go to celebrate!!

    I love scrapbooking and never have time to do it anymore so I use my blog as a scrapbook for our family now. At the end of the year, just have it printed into a little book and it's an instant scrapbook! Just be honest in your writing, but not mean/negative toward anyone (or just don't add those posts to your book at the end of the year)!

    Thanks for voting for Matthew!!!

  2. Welcome back to the blogging world! And yes, I do think about what I write being down permanently for people to see. And yes, it inhibits me, too. Sometimes writing about a "friend's" situation helps, but in the end, people will probably figure out what it was all about anyways, so maybe just being completely honest the first time around is better. My pastor has said that we should ALWAYS speak the truth, but speak it in love. No one can be upset with you if you're speaking the truth in love. :)

  3. Girl, you are speakin' my language- with all of that! This past Christmas was the hardest b/c the kids cried on the drive home-- "I want my Nana!" Talk about breaking my heart in a million pieces. :( I wonder the same and for the same reasons as you ($, jobs), we probably won't go back. Plus we're upside down on our house anyway! But I wonder the same-- just because we move back doesn't mean the world stops for us once we get there (that happens when we visit b/c everyone wants to see us). We would be old regulars, which isn't bad, but I wonder if I have a different dream of what it might be like and what it would be like! :)

    Good to see you posting again. Oh, as for the hurting feelings part, I leave it out too. I don't want to hurt anyone, but also don't want my kids (since I print out my posts every year in a book) to think I am bitchy! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!