Monday, September 12, 2011

She's 1, she's walking, she's leaving for college

OK, maybe not quite yet, but it sure feels like it.

I've been gone for a looooooooong time and I'm so sorry.  Mostly I'm sorry to myself because I really wanted to use this blog to document Sofia's life and milestones and so far I have sucked at that.

This will be short because I'm needing to actually do some work, but just a few updates:

*  Sofia turned one on August 17.  We had a wonderful party up in Buffalo and it was perfect.  Lesson learned is that making a big huge deal out of the "perfect decorations" and stupid details is expensive and stressful and really doesn't pay off in the end.  Next year, it will be all about Sofia and not about impressing party goers.

*  Sofia is walking!  She can go about 10 steps on her own and is getting better and better every single day.

*  Sofia is almost exclusively straw-cup with the exception of one bottle before bed.  This explains why she had a bit of a fit this weekend when we were at a baby play group and all of the babies had their bottles and she carried on because she had her straw cup and did not appreciate it one bit!  For a baby who never cries, she sure proved me wrong on Saturday!

*  She is HUGE!  She weighs 25 pounds (95%) and is around 33 inches I's the 97%ile, I just can't remember right now.  She sure is consistent.  She is growing out of 18 mos clothes but her 24 mos stuff is still a bit big.

*  She does not have any real words.  Mama comes out but I'm not convinced she's talking to me.  Though she does say it when she's upset so maybe.... 

*  I love her!!  Oh, that's not news?

I'll post some pics soon!!!!

Lastly, I still can't comment on blogs with my acct so forgive me if I seem absent from your blogs.  I'll work on it and post anonymous if I can't resist!!

Monday, July 18, 2011

11 Months!

Hi!!!!!!  I'm here - alive and well!  Sorry for the lack of posts lately. (Does anyone actually care?)  I've been off work for the summer, but am in a couple days this week so I have the chance to catch up.  And soon I'll have the chance to catch up at home.  Why you ask?  Because....


That is not a typo.  It's the real deal.  When we came back from a week in Buffalo last week, we thought it was a good chance to transition her since she'd been sleeping out of our arms for the week (she was still in bed with one of us, but on her own).  So we got home, at bedtime I put her in the crib.  I put the ottoman from her big chair next to the crib and lied on it so that i was right there and able to stick an arm into the crib.  She barely cried, just played games with her pacifier where she kept throwing it onto the floor. A rather passive aggressive move...  Anyway, that first night she slept 8 straight hours!  And every night since it's been great.  One of us is still sleeping in her room.  We'll slowly transition out of that too. 

I have to say that it's very very strange to be in the house and not have her right there with me.  Even stranger for Russ and I to be together and not see that one of us has her.  Also, I have to admit that I miss her.  I really loved having her right there with me at night.  I know that sleeping in a chair sounds awful but it's really not bad when have a precious baby girl in your arms.

Yesterday Sofia was 11 months old!  That means that in less than a month she'll be a year!  I can hardly believe it!  We're planning a party in Buffalo along with my nephews whose birthdays are close to hers so it'll be one big party.  I can't decide if I want to do a party in Virginia or not.  I'm thinking not.  By the time we get back from Buffalo and I'll start back at work, I think I'll be ready to be done.

Eleven month highlights:
* Eating all kinds of things and loving scrambled eggs, chicken, french fries, and ice cream.  She's really into yogurt now too and yogurt and cereal is her new breakfast.
* Super active and wanting to walk.  She's a great cruiser but hasn't quite taken a step yet.
* Still NO TEETH!  Though the two on the bottom are about to pop - they've looked like that for over a month now so who knows when they'll actually come in.
* Skipped the sippy cup, this girl wants a straw.  She can use a regular straw and it's so funny to see her take sips of my water when we're in a restaurant.  Or they'll bring her her own water in a kiddie cup and lid and she can handle it easily, though I do worry that she could put the straw too far in her mouth so I tend to hold it for her.

Here are some pics
This is one from the photo shoot we did back in April

Fun in the bath!

So cute in her sun hat!

Monday, June 20, 2011


OK, it's been a month and I'm sooo sorry.

Last you heard from me, I was going to be home alone all weekend with Sofia and we got through it just fine.  I wondered if anyone thought it had completely destroyed us and therefore I stopped blogging...

Anyway, it's been a while and baby girl is getting so big!!!

Here's a photo from this morning.

As usual, it's sorry.

In Sofia news, she is:

- Cruising like crazy...attempting to take steps all the time with great confidence, but ending up on the ground giggling.  She'll walk any day though.
-  Eating all sorts of new foods, but I have to admit that I'm still sticking with traditional baby food as her main source of food.  I know she can be eating other things, but I'm usually just letting her try things (pasta, veggies, bread) and then giving her baby food and cheerios. 
- She's sleeping on her own for 12 hours each night!!!!  BIG FAT LIE.  She's still sleeping on Russ every night.  I'm done with work for the summer soon, so I'll be working on getting her to sleep on her own.  I swear, we will work on it! 
- She is still toothless.  Where are her teeth?
- She is the sweetest, most beautiful child alive.  That's a fact. =)

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Home Alone!

Actually it's more like home with Sofia....which is very, very different than being home alone. Point is Russ is away in Kansas until Sunday. I'm on my own! My greatest fear realized =) and I'm going alright.  Probably because he just left this morning.  Ask me tomorrow.  Seriously, I know I'll be fine.  My friend Cindy is flying in tomorrow to hang out with us so that I'll have back up just in case I have a break down.  You never know...

I am a little concerned about how we'll sleep over the next 4 nights.  I'm not as good a chair sleeper as her daddy is....perhaps she'll be forced into the crib.  But then again I need to sleep for work.  We'll see.

Sofia had her 9 month appt yesterday along with her 9 month birthday.  Man! She's getting OLD.  She is 22 pounds, 12 ounces (96%tile) and 29 and 3/8 inches (97%tile).  Oh my big girl!!!  Her growth is consistent and the dr said it will start to slow down now.  She had one shot - her final hep B and then they did a blood draw.  Ick.  Sofia didn't shed one tear, although she definitely got annoyed with the nurse squeezing the blood out of her little finger.

The dr also told us that shoes don't really matter - no sense in buying a $50 pair.  She said anything that's soft-soled and not too rigid is fine.  She said the point of shoes is to protect feet from pavement and cold. Bare feet learn to walk best, so when inside it's bare feet all the way.

Baby girl is moving!!!!  She is standing up almost completely on her own!  She has to grab something for a little leverage, but that won't be for long.  Once she's up, she thinks she can let go but she quickly falls over.  Such confidence she has though!!  People keep telling me that she'll walk soon.  Yikes.  Not ready for that.  Her crawling is great, though she mostly crawls so that she can get to things to help her stand.  She slips on our hard wood floors sometimes too.

We need to start her on more foods, but I'm so afraid of choking!  I love that she's happily eating her stage 2 meats, fruits, and veggies along with her multi-grain cereal.  She loves Mum-Mum biscuits and we give her puffs but she isn't crazy about them and can't get them in her mouth - though I'm not sure she's tried.  She just throws them on the floor.  I gave her a bite of my banana yesterday and she thought it was alright.  Dr says to give her pieces of food about the size of a rice crispie - so small!  Better safe.

On a different note, does anyone remember my friend that was going through IF with me a couple summers ago?  We had our beta tests on the same day in July 2009.  We both had BFN and she did one more unsuccessful IUI before calling it quits, deciding she would live child free.  And husband free.  She made some big changes in her life and decided to leave her comfortable, but unfulfilling marriage to go out on her own and discover happiness.  Well, she sure did!!  She met the man of her dreams and is happier than almost anyone I know.  And guess what else?  She's pregnant!  Conceived naturally.  If that isn't the universe working it's magic, i don't know what is.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

New Day, New Way

Sorry for yesterday...  I was a mess.  Perhaps it was Blue Monday (the Monday before my period has always been a problem for me).  To be honest, I've lost track of my periods.  Is it awful to say that I want to become menopausal?  I know the process can be a train wreck, but I'm ready to not worry about these things anymore. 

I talked out my issues from Mother's Day with a colleague and realized some things and got my perspective back together.  A good friend pointed out that many new moms (especially where I grew up) have a huge support system to include their moms, aunts, siblings, cousins, etc.  If I lived at home, I'd have that.  He pointed out that I have no one except my husband, so I am doing a lot.  Great point.  I love him (my wise friend).

Yesterday I discovered my first gray hair!!  I realize that getting to 37 without experiencing this yet is pretty good, so I'm not complaining, but I kinda liked not having to worry about that.  Not that I'm worried yet - and let's be honest, I haven't not-dyed my hair ever in my life, so covering the suckers won't be a problem. 

Today I went to the Dr.  Did you know that my pesky liver is still giving me trouble?  Yep, those enzymes are still high.  He is fairly sure that it is due to "fatty liver" (such an attractive sounds ailment) and that losing weight will help.  He actually prescribed me to lose 20 pounds.  This is the first time that a doctor has actually told me to lose weight.  I hope I take it seriously and do it.  I'm using the Lose It app on my phone.  Russ has been using it for a while and he's lost 18 pounds (well, la-di-da for him, right? =) Why is it so easy for him? ugh...).  And I know that losing weight will help hold off diabetes too.  Not too mention that I'll become a hot mom which is what I've always wanted to be! =)  (sort of..I mean it can't be a bad thing, right?)

Now on to Sofia world.  Baby girl is BUSY!  All of the sudden, she is all over the place and won't sit still.  She is having so much fun!!!  She is pulling up like crazy and I'm sure she will walk waaaay before we're ready for her to.  Have I mentioned she's wearing mostly 18 month clothes?  They are roomy, but I can't stand when her stuff gets small.  No offense to other moms/babies out there, but I just think in general people put babies in clothes that are too small.  Things generally look nicer when there's room to move.  Also, not sure if I've mentioned this before, but we've transitioned to jammies!  No more sleepers for our girl.  She's in real pajamas and I love it!  They're so cute!  My friend told me that she preferred PJs over sleepers and I didn't get it, but now I do too.  Only issue is cold feet, but since she sleeps with Russ, it's not big deal.  If she were on her own in the crib, I'm not sure what I do about it.  We haven't had to use her wearable blanket yet, but maybe that's what we'd do.

We're transitioning her formula from all Nutramigen ($33) a can (we go through almost 3 can a week) to generic brand Gentle Ease ($15 a can!!).  Let's hope she tolerates it well.  Today she got 1/4 Gentle Ease....

In food news, she's eating lots of different things, but not much table food yet.  I need to try and give her more stuff, but I get worried that she'll choke even though I give her the smallest possible pieces.  She makes the best faces when she tries new things! You'd think we're giving her poison.  But then she ends up eating it and loving it.  She still has NO TEETH!

In one week, she'll be 9 months old!!!! And she'll have her 9 month check up on the 17th as well...  It's been so long since we've been to the pediatrician, so I'm looking forward to that.

Lastly, next week Russ is out of town for 4 nights next week.  I'm nervous.  My friend is coming to stay with us because I have anxiety.  I know, I'm crazy.  I just worry that I'll be dead tired and she'll have a fit and I won't be able to handle it because I'm so tired.  I know we'll be fine........... =)

Monday, May 9, 2011

No Supermom

Warning: I think I'm hormonal today.  Not sure what's about to come out, but just know that you've been warned.

OK, so it was my first Mother's Day.  Let me start by saying that I sort of think holidays like Mother's Day, Father's Day, and Valentine's Day are silly.  I mean I celebrate them and all, but I realize that they are manufactured holidays and mostly mean that there is a gift obligation in there somewhere.  My husband and I had agreed that these days would be gift-free and just about doing whatever the parent of the day wanted to do. Then I decided that what I wanted to do was have Sofia pick out a charm for my Pandora bracelet. So we went to church, had lunch at our favorite Italian restaurant and then went to the Pandora store where I picked out 5 charms that I liked.  We then put them out in front of Sofia and she chose the one that we bought. So sweet that she picked out the charm!  That was fun and super cute.  It was a great day - don't get me wrong. (and side note, I've already gotten Russ his Father's Day gifts from Sofia, so obviously I'm breaking my own imposed rule 2 fold...go figure)  It was a lovely day. (Incidentally, past mother's days haven't been horrible for me either...for some reason it never bothered me to think about mother's day and not being a mom. I think it may have to do with being far away from my mom or maybe because it's always been all about my mom so it's not like anything had changed, I don't know. Point is that while other people made a big deal out of it for me, I wasn't all emotional about finally being able to celebrate after all those years of trying. Strange since I get emotional over everything else.  I honestly felt more emotional at Christmas and my birthday about being able to spend it with Sofia.  Maybe it goes back to me thinking Mother's Day is silly?  Am I rambling?  Did you not read my warning?)

Here's the thing.  I feel like an impostor.  I mean I know I'm a mom, but I don't feel like I deserve all of credit. I'm not looking for "yes you do, don't be silly..." encouraging statements here, I'm just trying to figure out how I feel and wondering why yesterday wasn't the greatest day ever (though it was really good!).  I think I'm struggling with the fact that I'm not supermom.  I'm a great mom, but I certainly don't do it alone. So this day where mom gets pampered and celebrated because of all the hard work she does every day just doesn't seem appropriate for me.  And it's not like i couldn't be super mom - maybe I could.  I don't have to be, though, and I think that's the thing.  I have the greatest (literally) husband ever.  I have the BEST day care provider.  Without these two loving, caring, dedicated people I don't where I'd be.  Russ DEFINITELY does more than I do for Sofia and our household.  I do a lot, but he does more.  I didn't need a "break" yesterday to sleep in or not do housework. Russ consistently gives me sleep and does a ton around the house, usually more than i do.  Doris loves Sofia and cares about her and is helping her grow and learn when I can't be there. I trust that she's doing all of the things that I would do (and probably more).  So, please hear me.  I'm not giving myself a pity party because I'm not mom of the year according to traditional definitions.  I'm recognizing that I'm in a position where I'm not expected to do it all and I don't do it all.  And that's OK.  I don't feel a bit of guilt about the support I have.  I don't have any guilt about not being with Sofia every morning while Russ gets up with her and gets her ready to go. I don't feel a bit of guilt about not being with her all day.  I know that I'm the best I can be because of these people in Sofia's life. 

And sooooo......I guess I need to accept being celebrated for the mom that I am and not for the mom that society thinks moms should be.  And I deserve to be celebrated because I'm a great mom! 

Thanks for letting me process all of that here.  I kinda wish I had come up with this conclusion yesterday so that I could had a more giddy day.  There's always next year...

Lastly, to my IF sisters out there still on their journey.... I know yesterday may have been difficult.  Good news is that it's over! And your babies are their way to you.  I wish I could tell you when - it's the waiting and not knowing that gets to you.  It is going to happen.  Know that it will.  Much love to you.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Spring Break Catch Up

I've been back to work for three days and am ready for another break!! I know, summer is coming soon and it will be here before I know it.  Still, being off was nice.  I got to spend every day with my baby girl and I have to say that leaving her yesterday for the first time in over a week was more difficult than I anticipated.  I can't imagine what it'll be like when I have her all summer and then have to go back.  At least I'm fortunate enough to be able to spend a lot of time with her on these breaks, a luxury that people out in the real world don't have. (I live in the school world, which is far from reality!)

So here's the run down of my week:

-  On Friday (a week and a half ago), my mom flew in.  That Saturday we had Sofia's photo shoot.  It went so well and I'm so happy that we did it!  Once we have all of the proofs, i will be sure to share them.  I'm very happy with the pictures.  Sofia made it through five outfit changes and was pleasant throughout the whole thing.  The hard part now is deciding which pictures we want to make into wall many decisions!! 
   Friday night, Russ and I went out on our first date night since Sofia has been here! It was very nice.  We went to dinner and saw The Color Purple musical that was in town at the National Theater.  It's always nice to go into the city, especially one as pretty as DC.  We live only 2 miles outside of the city, but we forget sometimes how close we are to some pretty cool things.  Russ, who usually dislikes musicals, really loved it and thanked me for broadening his horizons.  I am a huge fan of the movie and was actually a little disappointed in the musical.  It didn't move me the way the film does.  Oh well...  My mom did great at home with Sofia.  No surprise there, but I relieved to get home.

-  On Sunday, Sofia turned 8 months old!!!  Yikes, time is flying.  Like really flying.  Big time.  Have I mentioned lately that baby girl has NO TEETH?  Where are those little suckers?  More on developmental milestones a bit later...

-  On Monday, my mom, Sofia, and I drove to Buffalo (about 8 hours away).  Sofia did great in the car with mom sitting back there with her.  She was an angel and had no problems at all. I was concerned when we got to my house (well, my parents' house but it's the house I grew up in so it'll always be my house too!) and I didn't have my routine established.  It was my first time to be with Sofia overnight by myself (well, without Russ at least) and I was worried about how we would sleep and just not being in our own place with our own things is tough.  It all worked out very well.  Sofia slept on my bed with me.  I had a bed rail on one side and then I was on the other.  She slept very, very well.  We had the option of putting her in the pack n play, but since she doesn't sleep on her own at home (still sleeping on her daddy!), I thought that expecting her to do it away was asking a bit much.  She didn't sleep on me, so I counted that as a small victory.  The truth is that she would probably sleep just fine on her own if we allowed her the chance.

-  On Friday we visited the Easter bunny!!!  So much fun!  My nephews (Frankie, 5 and Danny, 3) came with us and even sat there with the bunny too.  We got a cousins shot!!! Yay!!  It couldn't have worked out better, everyone was in happy spirits and it was a great memory.  I'll have that photo coming soon - left the large one up in Buffalo so we can't scan it just yet...  We also decorated Easter eggs on was more of an activity for me and my nephews - Sofia observed.  So fun.

-  Easter was fantastic!  She loved her pretty dress and going through her basket.  It was a perfect day.

So, while we were gone, Sofia started crawling full force!  Girlfriend is all over the place! Yikes.  And on top of that, she's decided that she'll pull herself up and stand whenever possible.  This is all happening too fast!  I can't deal with the thought of her walking yet!  And now I'm concerned about her shoes.  Until now, I didn't care too much about shoe quality because she wasn't standing, but now that she is i need to go out and get her some decent shoes.  Everyone says Pedipeds, but some swear by Stride Rite - which I'm most comfortable with since it's so tried and true.  We'll see...

We're back in her routine now and she was excited to see her babysitters, Doris and Mirna as well as the other little kids that she spends the day with.  On Thursdays I teach a parenting class, so i don't get to see her but tomorrow is Friday and we'll have all weekend to soak her up.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Spring break!

Spring Break is next week and I'm wondering if I'm going to have time to post (since I'll be away from both my home computer and my work computer), so I thought I'd post a little something now...

My mom is flying in this evening and will stay with us this weekend and then the three ladies (mom, me, and Sofia) will drive up to Buffalo on Monday.  I'm a bit worried about the trip.  On our two previous journeys home, Sofia was much younger and slept much more and I was in the back seat with her the whole time.  This time, I'm driving and mom will be back there with her.  She is much more alert now and interested in every single thing that goes by, so I'm worried that she'll be awake more and will become frustrated with being stuck in her big girl car seat all day.  I'm sure it'll work out, but not having Russ with me definitely makes me nervous.  He'll fly up there Thursday morning and then we'll come back home on the Monday after Easter.

Speaking of big girl car seats...(I haven't told you about this yet, have I?) Sofia is now in her Britax Marathon 70.  At first she hated it!  But she's getting used to it.  I hate that she seems so far away.  We had the infant seat in the middle so it was closer to me while I was driving and I could even stick my hand back there and locate her pacifier or just hold her hand.  Now she's behind the passenger seat and I can reach her sort of if I'm stopped at a light and really's not the same though.  Probably better than she outgrows me holding her hand while I'm driving anyway.  Like I said, she is getting used to it.  A major disadvantage of the new seat is that when she falls asleep, I have to wake her in order to get her out of the car.  I used to just crab the infant carrier and plop it in the stroller and we'd go up to our place (remember I live in a high rise condo and park in a large garage).  Now I have to wake her up and put her in the stroller.  I have sat in the car a few times and just let her sleep while I read or listened to the radio.  I can't bear to wake her at times!  I'm looking forward to when the seat will be forward-facing, but they're saying now that they should stay rear facing as long as possible! I was hoping that we'd get to that first birthday and then she'd be accessible.  We'll see.

Tomorrow we're doing our first professional pictures.  We're having a photographer come to our place. She'll set up her studio here and then we'll also take some outside shots - fingers crossed that the rain will hold off!  I'm excited about it and have many outfit changes in mind - there will be a tiara involved!  It's the tiara I wore when I got married.  I'm so excited! 

By the way this won't be Sofia's first official photo shoot - she had that last Sunday.  Russ's friend creates a catalog for Volkswagen owners - you can order ANYTHING with a VW on it!  There's all kinds of stuff like shirts, bags, grills, housewares, and, of course, baby onesies!  So Sofia modeled for it and she will be in the catalog!  Can't wait to share once I get the pics!

Sofia will be 8 months old on Sunday.  Where did that time go?  She's literally going to crawl any second, she's loving food, she's coming into her personality more and more, she has NO TEETH to speak of, she is perfection personified.  I love her and have appreciated these 8 months so very much.  Thank you, universe!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Growing too Fast

How is it possible that I have an almost 8 month old?  Everyone says that it goes by so fast, but you don't realize what that means until you're there. We do a good job of staying present with her and appreciating the moments. The moments are just so fleeting. She'll do a new cute thing, like blowing bubbles, and after a week she's on to something else.  It's like we can literally see her grow and learn. I know that if we tried, we could get her to crawl today. She's so close. But honestly? I'm not encouraging it. Once she's mobile, she's gone!  Off to explore and learn and grow some more. She'll get there soon enough and it's not like we're preventing her from crawling, we're just not going behind her and helping her do it.

We got our foam tiles for the "play room".  We're turning half of our office into a play area for Sofia.  We have hardwood floors, so we needed to find a spot that can be a safe place for her to play independently.  We're going to gate in the area and let her be free - well, as free as you can be in a small, gated area.  The tiles are 100 times nicer than I expected.  They're thick! And soft.  We'll put it all together this weekend and I'll hopefully b able to share a pic.  If anyone needs foam tile flooring, go to  Like I said, they are nice!! 

I'm excited about a mommy group that some friends and I are starting.  At my school where I work, there are tons of babies being born! And with friends of co-workers, we're going to be able to get a pretty large group going.  I'm thankful because all the mommy groups in my area are held during the day when I'm working.  Stay at home moms defintely need to connect to other moms as to not feel isolated, but working moms needs support too!  So I'm glad we're doing this. 

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Full Circle

The bill came in the mail the other day for our frozen embryo storage.  It costs $360 a year to store our two little embies.  360, full circle.  Basically a dollar a day.  It's less than I thought it was going to be.  It's weird to be paying for a bill like that - as if we're storing our holiday decorations or furniture we can't fit in our place. We're storing potential people.  Weird.

And it brings me to what I've been thinking about a lot lately.  What are we going to do with those two little guys?  At this time, we aren't interested in another baby.  I realize that could change, but we're very happy with our one little baby girl and life is very manageable both logistically and financially.  Another baby?  We can't imagine it. 

Then there's those two embryos.  What to do?  I can't thow them away.  Russ says we should donate them to an infertile couple (not even sure if that's an option).  But those are OUR babies.  It's not like egg or sperm donation.  This would be our baby!  I'm not sure I can do that.  But are they better off in a freezer?  The ethical dilema is mounting. 

So what to do?  Wait.  I'm sure that a year from now I'll have more clarity about what I want to do.  For now $360 a year to keep our options open is a small price to pay.

Friday, March 18, 2011

7 Months!!!

Baby girl hit the big 7 month mark yesterday.  Oh, my big girl!!!  I thought I'd do a rundown on the stuff she is doing these days:

-  Movement:  Not sure how she does, but she's moving all around without actually crawling or even rolling that much.  She just scooches and wiggles and she's all over the place.  Yesterday, I left her on the floor for literally 60-90 seconds to go into the kitchen and when I came back I found her under the couch!
 (someone explain to me why all my pictures are sideways!  Ugh!)  Is she cute or what?
I do believe the crawling will happen any day now and I am crazy thinking about the baby-proofing that has not happened (as evidenced by the cords dangling just inches from her throat in the above pic)

She is standing very solidly while holding on to us or the couch or ottoman.  She is also slapping her hands/arms on her legs and can even to it to a beat if I lead her.  She is sitting up on her own and is not toppling over hardly at all any more.  She doesn't get to a sitting position her own yet but she is almost there.

Talking/Noise:  Girlfriend likes to shriek!  And make all kinds of noises.  Sometimes it sounds like she's saying "yeah" at appropriate times and I swear she is!  If one to hear some of the noises she makes, they might think she's in distress, but it's just her playing with her voice.  I'm hearing all kinds of sounds, though nothing that sounds like an actual word aside from the "yeah".

Eating/Drinking:  Sofia is still on her Nutramigen formula and stage 1/2 baby foods.  She LOVES mangoes and pears the best.  Sweet potatoes is another favorite along with combos that include spinach.  She also eats a multi-grain organic cereal twice a day.   I haven't tried anything else like pasta or mashed potatoes, but I think we will soon.  We tried the puffs recently and at first she HATED them and acted like we were torturing her - literally cried.  We tried it again and she's ok with them.  I gave her a num-num biscuit and she was leery of it and ate some.  She LOVES to drink water from our glass.  I think she likes the cold glass against her mouth.  She can take a sip pretty easily.  She can also use a straw when she feels like it - very inconsistent there.  We've given her grits at restaurants and also some ice cream.

Teeth:  Not yet, but she's been drooling like a fool for months!  When are these teeth coming???

Sleep:  Napping on her own at the babysitters.  Napping on us at home.  Along with sleeping on daddy all night.  We're making progress though.  She no longer needs any rocking or motion to get to sleep.  We go in her room, turn on the white noise, lay in the chair and she is asleep within a minute.  It's great!  We can then put her in the crib and she'll stay asleep for a while, but once she wakes up she wants us to hold her.  I feel optimistic because I believe she has learned to fall asleep herself (as evidenced by her ability to do it at Doris's and no longer needing motion to fall asleep).  I think the next step will be her staying in her crib longer and then doing it all on her own.  We'll get there!

Personality:  She is the funniest baby ever!  She laughs and smiles all the time!!!  She rarely cries.  This week, I think I've seen actual tears once and that was when we accidentally smashed her fingers in the canopy of her stroller.  She shouts when she's hungry, but she just doesn't cry.  She's never, ever woken up crying.  We're really lucky.

Activities:  She LOVES to watch TV.  I'm embarrassed.  I really didn't want her to watch much, but she laughs and loves it.  She literally watched all of american idol (on DVR) the other day and didn't make a move or a peep the whole time!  Plus she loves  everything on Nick Jr.  She loves to jump in her jumperoo and she loves to go for walks.  I don't love that we now don't get to see her face on walks because she's not in her car seat anymore, she's in the stroller.  I miss seeing her face. 

Is there anything else?  I'm sure there is....  Most important, she is well loved!!!!  My baby girl.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

How soon they forget...

People are funny.  Didn't I just go through 5 years of infetility?  Didn't people witness me being very open about our sturggle and then witness the aftermath of 4 BFN?  Did everyone just forget about all that?  Because people won't stop asking me if we're ready for another one!  I don't mean to be rude, but are these people dumb?  They act like I now have some sort of baby making potion.  It is as if none of that infertility stuff ever happened.

And so therein lies the struggle between holding on to my IF roots and being treated normal.  I don't mind being treated like a normal girl, but it makes for an awkward discussion.  I am forced to say "Well.....I'm not really sure how that would know....since I'm broken and all."  True, I have two little babies in the freezer, but more on that later.  Clearly, I have exhausted my resources for funding another IVF cycle.  But that's when they get really excited and tell me about how every single person they know who went through infertility treatment miraculously became pregnant naturally after they had their first.  While I know that these stories exist, I will not be one of them.  I basically have no fallopian tubes.  This baby would truly be a miracle.  And I'm not sure I'm ready for the responsibility that goes along with such a miracle because the divine intervention necessary for it could be a bit intimidating.

So I'm back to smiling and saying "We'll see..." when I don't feel like getting into it.  Once an IFer, always an IFer.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Photograph of my mind

Oh my baby girl!  Allow me to gush...

Sofia is the happiest, silliest, most peaceful, loving baby in the world.  How did we get so lucky?  She is a dream come true that I never even had the audacity to dream of. I get to be her mom forever? What a PRIVILEGE. 

Baby girl has just been extra crazy cute lately and it fills me with bursting joy.  She literally smiles or laughs every moment she's awake.  Gushing will stop now.  Or at least I'll try. (Notice I didn't even mention once how BEAUTIFUL she is?)

I've had some new readers on my blog lately (a dear co-worker and family) and they've been going back and reading some of my early posts.  This prompted me to go back and read my story from the beginning.  In a word - wow.  There's comfort in knowing that I was always crazy =) , but man how did you people put up with my ups and downs and doom and gloom?  Thanks for hanging in there.  What I realized most from rereading my blog is that I'm really writing this for me.  What a wonderful way to document a significant time in my life.  I realized that not only do I need to blog more, but I have to tell my story - the good, the bad, the beautiful.  So hopefully, I'll take the time to write more and to focus on the ways our family is growing and learning.  I'd like to think of it of a photograph of my mind that will help me remember this time.  Let's hope I follow through.

To be honest, rereading some of my entries made me laugh out loud and cry.  I had forgotten some things, particulalry how I described finding out IVF might be our only chance.  I said that I "howled" outside the door waiting for the elevator and that is so true.  I hate thinking about it, but it was an awful, unexpected moment.  It reminded me of how far we've come.  It helped me remember that miracles happen.  Is there something bigger than a miracle?  If there is, I've got it.  She's beyond a miracle.  She is joy and love personified. 

Gushed again.  My bad.

Thursday, February 24, 2011


So it's finally happened...we are not surprised at all.  After sleeping in our arms for 6 months, Sofia has begun to refuse going into her crib at all.  She basically will not be left alone for the past 3 or 4 nights. Again, we knew what we were creating while we were doing and we know what we have to do.  Hopefully tonight, I will be able to allow her cry while comforting her with my voice and pats.  We'll see how long that lasts, but it'll only be night one and I assume that this process will be easy.  We can't blame the little baby girl - of course she's used to sleeping in our cuddling arms.  I ..........................

And that's what I wrote yesterday and I can tell you that I let her squirm for all of 45 seconds before picking her up and cuddling her!  She did go down in the crib for almost 2 hours so she did get some crib time.  Let me explain the process and you'll see why it's so hard to not just love her up!

I got home with her at about 3:30, I fed her some mango and she played in her jumperoo a little bit.  She was then obviously tired, so we went for the bath at about 4:30.  After her quick bath and post-bath stuff (lotion,etc), I gave her a bottle and then just lay back on the big chair and within 2 minutes she was asleep - no fuss, no rocking, she just feel asleep by 4:50.  So now she's asleep on me and I took a nap too!  This works out well for both of us.  At about 6:00, I get up and put her in the crib where she stays until about 8:00.  (in truth, I probably put her down at 6:15 and she stirred at 7:45)  At that time, she starts tossing and turning, eventually waking up and moaning.  She doesn't cry, she just whines and groans.  Her eyes are half closed and she look so distressed.  My plan had been to let her stay that way and see what happens.  Nope!  I picked her up and within 10 seconds, she asleep again and we stayed on her chair until 10.  At that time, she woke up, had a bottle and Russ took over...she ended up sleeping until 6 am this morning.(Remember her chair is a huge chair and a half with a huge ottoman and is where Russ has slept every single night since I went back to work, so it's not terrible at all)  I didn't even try to put her down again last evening. 

The point?  I'm not doing a very good job at this.  I know I should do what feels right and what I think is best for her, but at this point I really think she needs to learn how to put herself to sleep.  I just can't resist the snuggle time.  She seems so much more peaceful and content.  We'll get there I'm sure.... Just not so sure when!

Six month check up was great.  Sofia weighs 19 lbs 3 oz and measures 27.5".  I was surprised she doesn't weigh more.  She is in the 97th percentile for both measurements which means she is well proportioned.  She was trooper through her 3 shots too. 

My mom is coming in tonight!!!  I'm so excited!

Here is Sofia from this happy, happy girl!  How cute, by the way, that Russ decided she needed to wear 2 flowers in her hair today?  Love him.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Six Months!

How is it possible that Sofia turned 6 months old yesterday?  The time has flown by and yet I can't seem to remember when she wasn't here.  She is HUGE!!!  We go for her 6 month appt next week and I can't wait to find out how much she weighs.  My guess is she's at least 20 lb., maybe more.  Girlfriend is tall too and solidly wearing 9 month clothes.  She is sitting up very well on her own, standing for brief periods of time when holding on to something for balance, and getting ready to crawl at any moment.  She is loving her food!!  Regularly eating mixed-grain cereal along with fruit (mostly pears and peaches and she LOVES mango) and veggies.  I try to buy the organic stuff when I can, but sometimes the variety just isn't there (especially when Gerber is on sale).  I send the Gerber tubs to her babysitter and then at home, we those along with some of the squeeze packs from those organic companies.  They are more expensive but I love the combinations, especially the one with the spinach.  I feel good giving it to her.  She's really gotten the hang of eating.  We're working on the sippy cup.  She loves to chew it, but hasn't quite gotten the hang of sipping from it on her own.  I'm using Pampers Cruisers still but am dying to know if any off-brand ones are decent.  I've heard Target and WalMart brand are good.  I hate to take a chance though since we've been happy with Pampers.

We ordered our convertible car seats this week, so they should be here soon.  She can only be in her in fact seat until 22 pounds and that day is coming fast if it hasn't already passed!  We decided on the Britax Marathon 70.  (on sale on amazon for 25% off right now - HUGE savings!)  We ordered two, one for each car since Russ drops off and I pick up.  It's a big expense, but obviously worth it for baby girl to be safe and comfortable.  We also got a great deal on a Macleran umbrella stroller so that Russ can keep one in his car. It'll be a pain to no longer be able to get her in and out of the car so easily, but frankly I can barely lift the infant seat anymore anyways. 

We have not had professional pictures taken, but I think it's time we do.  I really want to go to Picture People but I've heard Penney's is decent too and does different shots that I might be interested in.  I don't just want a typical background posed shot.  I'm not sure what we'll do, but six month pictures sound like a must to me. 

Still haven't pierced baby girls ears.  I'm going to ask the pediatrician about it and see if they do it there and then maybe we will.  I can't stand the thought of doing it, but I think now is the best time. We'll see...

Lastly, my mom is coming next week!!  I'm so excited!  She'll be here from Thursday to Tuesday and will stay home with baby girl Fri and Mon and she's thrilled about that!  The guilt I feel about being so far away from her overwhelms me sometimes, so I'm so happy she'll get to spend time with Sofia.

Here's her happy face from this morning... We really need to upgrade our iPhone so that the pictures come out less fuzzy. 

WTF with it being sideways!! I thought I fixed it!  .....but she's awfully precious no matter how you look at her.

Thursday, February 10, 2011


I'm a terrible blogger, I know.  I'm sorry.  I thought that once I was back at work and had more access to a computer I would blog more, but no.  Maybe it's that I don't have much to say (except for how crazy beautiful and perfect Sofia is and that gets old, no?).  Maybe it's that I've been busy at work (oh yeah, work! Sometimes I have to do that here). 

Anyway, Sofia is beautiful and perfect. =)

My cousins from Florida flew in on Monday for one day just to meet her.  They didn't go up to Buffalo for the holidays so they missed meeting her and couldn't wait until summer.  It was sooo nice and made it so clear that there's nothing like family.  I have some very, very good friends here who are like family and I'm so lucky to have them but there's just something different about family. It makes me really wish I lived closer to home.  But then I think that the fantasy I have in my head of what it would be like to live back home is probably not at all the reality of what it would really be like.  When I go home to visit, the whole world stops and revolves around us.  That would not be the day to day reality of living there.  I know that.  But I still miss home.  The true reality is that Russ would be miserable living there (weather) and there are no jobs and life would just be different and maybe not good-different.  Just feeling a little homesick i guess...

Thursday, January 20, 2011


Just like they say, nothing really prepares you for becoming a parent.  I read EVERYTHING I could get my hands on.  I know about development, sleep schedules, feeding, and anything else you can think of.  I thought I knew it all and was prepared for anything parenthood threw at us.  We braced ourselves for our life to change.  We knew it would be a ton of work.  We knew we wouldn't be sleeping.  We knew that getting out of the house would become a chore.  We knew that our time would never be just ours every again.  We were prepared for that.

What we weren't prepared for was how joyful every single moment would be.  When we spend an hour rocking her to sleep, put her down in her crib and sit down to dinner only to find her stirring because her pacifier fell out, it is with joy that I go into her room and replace it and/or spend 20 minutes settling her back down. I have never, not once, huffed or puffed about having to do anything for her.  When she has poop up to her NECK, I giggle and wonder how in the world that happened.  When I get her all dressed up, tights on, bundled up and out the door only to hear the "squish, squish, squirt!" of a dirty diaper, I happily turn around and undo everything for a diaper change.  And love that I get more changing table time (she's especially sweet and playful at diaper change time and we sing songs and smile and laugh).  And the traditionally fun times?  Like morning wake up, baths, and general playtime?  Forget about it - it's better than Disney World.

I did not expect this part of the deal.  I thought I'd be at work every day complaining about how exhausted I am.  When i went back to work, people asked if I was upset about leaving her.  While I'd love to be home with her, I can't help but smile ALL DAMN DAY because I get to go home to the sweetest thing ever created.  People comment on how content and happy I am now.  I'm not a new mom mess, all disheveled and covered in spit up.  My life has been nothing but enhanced in every single way.  I was not expecting all that.

This mommy thing?  It's good.  It's real good.  And my heart is full of prayers for all of you mommies-to-be who haven't had their miracle yet.  It's coming.  Keep the faith that you'll get the privilege of experiencing this too.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Happy Five Months

How is it possible that Sofia is five months old already? It scares me because I know I'm going to look up and she'll a year old and then it'll just keep flying from there.  I think I'm doing a good job of being present when I'm with and appreciating every moment.  She literally becomes cuter every single day. 

Sleep.  I'm getting plenty.  Russ?  Not so much.  He sleeps with Sofia every night, in her room, on her chair.  He says he's fine and getting plenty of sleep.  I'm selfishly choosing to believe him.  I read bloggy friend and mother of quintuplets, Sonja's blog today.  She used the term "sleep training" and how "of course babies will cry" during the process.  Even thought I've read EVERY book on the subject, I seem to be in denial of this fact.  People will ask "Does she cry when she's in her crib?"  The answer is that we don't know.  The minute she stirs or whines, we swoop in.  Our theory is that once she gets to the crying stage, she'll be so worked up she won't be consolable.  This is left over thinking from her evening blues stage when she would cry before bedtime.  Perhaps she's far over that and we need to just let her figure out how to sleep.  I know we do.  Russ stated yesterday that he doesn't care if he has to sleep this way until she's 14.  While he was exaggerating, I know he means it to a certain degree. 

OK, so here's my point.  We are fine with the sleeping situation.  I am letting outside pressure (from my mom and other new moms) influence me and make me think we're doing something wrong, but it really is working for us.  This baby has the most content personality.  She never, ever cries.  Ever.  The other day I was in a public restroom changing her and she cried and screamed and it was so alarming to me because I've never heard her like that.  (I think the diaper scratched her slightly raw bum, my fault)  She sleeps from 6pm (sometimes earlier) until the morning.  She's alone in her crib until 9 or 10 and then Russ picks her up because that way he can sleep better.  Otherwise he'd be getting up every 2 minutes to make sure she's OK.  My theory is that if we left her in the crib and didn't have a video monitor, she would be just fine. 

You've heard all of this before right?  So obviously I'm just trying to convince myself.

Anyway, my baby girl ate sweet potatoes yesterday!  She seems to love them.  Food sure makes feeding time long and messy.  Right now she downs 7 oz of formula in 5 minutes tops.  Now we have to feed and clean up which takes a while, but it's worth it.  And who am I kidding?  She's eating food only once a day right now and Doris is doing it during the week, so who am I to complain?  (we had a four day weekend this past weekend, so got to feed her a lot)

Did I mention my birthday is Friday?  I can't wait.  I don't want a thing except to spend time with my baby girl and Russ.  Amazing how priorities change...

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Doris the Great

Today is Sofia's 7th day with Doris (AKA the MOST fabulous babysitter ever).  This woman is amazing.  I love her.  Sofia loves her.  She loves Sofia. 

The following has been accomplished since she began with Doris:
-  nails are cut and look professionally manicured (Doris asked if she could do this and I said YES please?)
-  Sofia is eating cereal every day and learning how to manage the spoon feeding thing very well. Next week we might move on to sweet potatoes.  Woo hoo!
-  Sofia FELL ASLEEP ON HER OWN at Doris's house and STAYED ASLEEP for TWO HOURS.  My jaw dropped open.  This has NEVER happened. Not ever (the falling asleep unassisted part...and staying asleep part at nap time)
-  Sofia has started sleeping at home better and has gone 8 hours between feedings at night for 3 nights (not in a row, but it's progress)

In a nutshell?  I LOVE DORIS!  I'm not anxious during the day at all about her being there.  I am grateful every single day that we have her and feel bad that we only pay her the little money that we do.  She is worth 5 times the amount ($225 per week if you're curious).

Every day, Russ sends me a picture of Sofia when he drops her off.  Here are two from this week:

Why do they come up sideways??? Sorry...
Today was a bad hair day, although when I left the house she was looking cute...not sure what happened.  Winter hat maybe?

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Off to Doris's: Day 1

Sofia is starting with her babysitter, Doris, today.  We love Doris.  Doris took care of our dear friends' children (two of whom have serious food allergies that require a specialized diet and care) and they were like family to her and she is family to them.  Doris only has one other baby who is 6 months older than Sofia (though about the same size!) and then there are only one or two other toddlers there during the day (depending on the day) and then some older kids come in the afternoon after school.  There is an assistant there also to help.  She could not be in better hands and I know this.  We are blessed to have her take care of our baby girl. 

So then why was I bawling my eyes out last night?  I just kept thinking of her all alone, wondering where her Momma and Daddy went.  I know she won't ever be alone.  I know that these ladies will love her up and give her a ridiculous amount of attention.  Russ will drop her off between 8 and 9 and I will be able to get her by 3:15 at the latest.  She won't even be there that long.  It will be fine.  That's what I keep telling myself. 

Not sure if I shared this picture.  It's one of my favorites, so if I did, you get to see it again. =)

Monday, January 3, 2011

Happy New Year! Merry Christmas!

Sofia is 4 months and 2 weeks old

Well the holidays sure went by quickly!!  It was, by far, the best Christmas ever.  It proved that gifts are not required to make the holidays special because all we needed or wanted was our little baby girl.  She was showered with gifts and it was a joyful time for everyone.

Not to complain, but the only thing is that everyone bought her clothes. And I know how much fun it is to buy girl clothes, but baby girl has no toys!  It's weird that I'm going to have to go out and get her toys - it just seems like something that you usually get too much of.  Good thing is that it means I can get what we want and not go overboard.  She also got no DVDs and only a couple books.  Seems crazy to buy that stuff, but I guess I'm going to have to!

She starts with her babysitter tomorrow.  I'm really not that nervous.  I might feel differently if I had to drop her off, but i get to pick her up.  We couldn't trust Doris more and are confident that Sofia will love her and will love being there.

In her Christmas dress!  She didn't even mind the hat.  She looked sooo precious!  My aunt jumped up and down when she saw her.

New Year's was very low key.  In fact I was asleep by 10:30.  Russ and I were both fighting terrible colds (thank goodness Sofia hasn't gotten it yet).  New Years Day was fun, we visited with lots of friends.

Life sure is good with that little girl around.  And i thought life was pretty great before!  If things get any better, I might just explode.