A new kind of crazy

25w5d

The 100 day countdown begins...100 days sounds like a lot, but man it seems like it will be here in no time!!

The past couple of days have been crazy!!  Yesterday, I was wearing my Old Navy maternity pants that I love, but am obviously growing out of.  They are the ones that have a natural waist with a button and zipper and elastic panels on the side that you can tighten/loosen as you need to.  These have been one of my favorites because they feel like real pants and are really comfortable.

Well, yesterday may have been their last day because all day they were really digging into my bellly and I would have to pull them up high in order to be comfortable.  So when I left the grocery store and got in the car, I decided to unbutton AND unzip them so that I would be more comfortable. 

Silly me thinks that since I've been sitting so long, the pants will just automatically stick to my body when I get out of the car???  Really don't know what I was thinking.  What I do know is that I had my hands full of grocery bags and as I'm walking through my parking garage (remember I live in a high rise condo with a parking garage underneath), I can feel my pants slipping...but i'm thinking that they must be ok because, really.  How much could they go down?  Well I'll tell you.  They can go down A LOT.  I reach up with my hand (loaded with a grocery bag mind you) and discover that my pants are down below my butt and I'm showing everyone my (BRIGHT ORANGE) underwear!  How luck am I that they didn't go down to my ankles?  I tried my best to cover myself up, but just tried to get into the elevator as fast as I could (which was not very fast).  I don't know if anyone actually saw me, but if they did, I hope they were able to have a good laugh!

Then?  Last night?  Russ has a nightmare in the middle of the night.  Except I think he's literally dying!  He has terrible allergies and uses a rescue inhaler when his lungs become congested.  So in his sleep he starts making a terrifying noise, stops breathing, and taps me in distress as if to say "HELP ME!!"  So I shoot up out of bed and turn on the light and search for his inhaler screaming "Where is it?  Where is it??"  He quickly woke up and told me he was OK, it was just a dream he was having.  Upon hearing that he's alive and well, I burst into tears.  And not just a little wimper.  I was howling.  For almost an hour.  At 2 am.  I really thought he was dying - this boy DOES NOT ever ask for my help or make me think he's in distress unless he really is (which has honestly never happened before).  It was the single scariest moment I've ever experienced.  It took me so long to calm down...I can't imagine what our neighbors think.  And then I'm thinking that the baby must be stressed with all my carrying on.

So here's the thing.

I am so tired of being anxious.  Last night really put me over the edge.  I can't worry about something bad happening to the baby or Russ anymore and yet and I can't stop worrying!  I know it's not good for me or for her, but UGH!!!  I can't help it!  And to think that in 100 days she'll be here and then what??  The worrying really begins.  I am so going to need to be medicated...