And you thought all that crazy talk was in the past? Yes, I have been feeling much more positive and rational since baby girl has been kicking me, but now what am I obsessing over? The frequency and quality of her kicks of course. I swear this is what happens when I haven't seen or heard her at the OB for a couple weeks. Even though she lets me know she's literally alive and kicking all day, I always think the worst when I've been without a doctor check for a couple weeks. I know she's fine - I can freaking feel her!! But I had started feeling some huge kicks earlier in the week and not so much now. So I envision that she's become weak and unhealthy. (go on, roll your eyes...I understand)
I KNOW THAT THIS IS CRAZY TALK.
(as I write this by the way, she is kicking like crazy as if to say "Aw, mom, just shut up and enjoy me please!")
It's just that since we found out it's our little girl, this whole thing has moved onto a whole new level. You know that I had a hard time accepting that this is really happening and spent a good amount of time waiting for bad news to come. Well ever since we found out it's baby Sofia, it's like a switch has been turned on. I'm connected and talk to her and we refer to the guest room as "Sofia's room" and I've started buy clothes and her nursery is all picked out and it's like she's already here. Because she is already here, right here in my belly.
My point? If we lost her now, it would be an inconceivable devastation. Not just because she was pretty much our last shot at a baby, but because we wouldn't have just lost a baby, we would have lost our little Sofia.
OK - ENOUGH OF THAT.
Thanks for letting me get it out. (And yes, I wonder about how I'll deal with things when she's here and not physically attached to me 24 hours a day. I worry now? Just wait til that day I drop her off at day care. Oh my word.)