I have been waiting for this day for the last 8 weeks...if only I can make to 12 weeks, then I'll know that this is actually happening. Well here I am and you know what I'm thinking? That technically the 1st trimester goes to 13 weeks, so really next week is the milestone! I can't give myself relief no matter what. If I don't feel some weird feeling in my abdomen at least once every few hours, I assume the baby must have died. I know that sounds harsh but it's really what goes through my head. My husband has always accused me of always assuming the worst and I would argue that it wasn't true, but in this case it really is.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm all doom and gloom all day. Most of the time I'm excited and talking about it and shopping for stuff and all that. It's just when I allow myself to think about what could be happening that I get consumed with the possibilities and then it's all I think about until I get distracted (or release it here on this post - after which I'll read it back and think I'm being so silly).
I really want a home doppler, but I've heard they can be unreliable and that some anxious moms (ME!) think the worst when they can't pick up the heartbeat and (LIKE ME) assume the baby must be gone. I think it could open up a world of trouble for me. But at the same time, I know that I won't be getting sonos every 2 weeks for much longer. The sono keeps me happy for about one week (because I've just seen proof that it's in there) and then I start doubting it. Once i have to wait a month I know I'll be a mess.
I hate that infertility has made me a crazy person. On top of everything else, it's stolen some of my joy about being pg...but not all of it, thankfully.
On another note, do you buy maternity clothes in the same size you usually wear? At Motherhood, I saw that jeans come in S, M, L, XL What? For jeans?? I don't get it.
By the way, there is a ponytail holder holding my pants up today. I looped it around the button, then through the button hole, and back around the button. Gave me a good 3 extra inches that I need desperately and is quite comfortable. I am afraid that it might break and pop off..if it does I just hope some of my friends are around because it will be hilarious!!!! (and I hope it doesn't happen while I'm teaching class tonight...not so hilarious)