Thursday, February 18, 2010

A milestone


I have been waiting for this day for the last 8 weeks...if only I can make to 12 weeks, then I'll know that this is actually happening.  Well here I am and you know what I'm thinking?  That technically the 1st trimester goes to 13 weeks, so really next week is the milestone!  I can't give myself relief no matter what.  If I don't feel some weird feeling in my abdomen at least once every few hours, I assume the baby must have died.  I know that sounds harsh but it's really what goes through my head.  My husband has always accused me of always assuming the worst and I would argue that it wasn't true, but in this case it really is. 

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm all doom and gloom all day.  Most of the time I'm excited and talking about it and shopping for stuff and all that.  It's just when I allow myself to think about what could be happening that I get consumed with the possibilities and then it's all I think about until I get distracted (or release it here on this post - after which I'll read it back and think I'm being so silly). 

I really want a home doppler, but I've heard they can be unreliable and that some anxious moms (ME!) think the worst when they can't pick up the heartbeat and (LIKE ME) assume the baby must be gone.  I think it could open up a world of trouble for me.  But at the same time, I know that I won't be getting sonos every 2 weeks for much longer.  The sono keeps me happy for about one week (because I've just seen proof that it's in there) and then I start doubting it.  Once i have to wait a month I know I'll be a mess. 

I hate that infertility has made me a crazy person.  On top of everything else, it's stolen some of my joy about being pg...but not all of it, thankfully.

On another note, do you buy maternity clothes in the same size you usually wear?  At Motherhood, I saw that jeans come in S, M, L, XL  What?  For jeans??  I don't get it. 

By the way, there is a ponytail holder holding my pants up today.  I looped it around the button, then through the button hole, and back around the button.  Gave me a good 3 extra inches that I need desperately and is quite comfortable.  I am afraid that it might break and pop off..if it does I just hope some of my friends are around because it will be hilarious!!!!  (and I hope it doesn't happen while I'm teaching class tonight...not so hilarious)


  1. This is a milestone!!! I remember having the same exact thoughts..."If I can just make it to 12 weeks everything will be ok," then as soon as I hit 12 I thought as soon as I can get to 14 weeks it will all be ok...ugh! It seemed like it was going to be never ending until I started to feel quickening. You should start feeling that any day now and I promise that is the best thing in the world!! For me it's almost as good as the sonos. Once you start feeling flutters they reassure you just like the sonos do. When I feel a flutter I know my baby is good and I can relax for a couple more days. You'll see...things really DO start getting easier in the second trimester!!!

    I'm very sure that you're baby is MUCH stronger than you're giving it credit for....think of how tough you were going through FIVE IVFs. Well this is YOUR baby and I'm sure he or she is just as tough as you!!!!! I really believe that your peanut is growing strong and has no plans on stopping!!!!!


  2. I agree with Pricilla. You have been through so much and you have made it to 12 weeks. Celebrate. Rejoice. Enjoy the fact that you are carrying a perfect little life inside of you.

    I am learning quickly that living in fear won't get us anywhere....and makes this whole process unenjoyable.

    Your bambino is in it for the long hall so embrace it and enjoy!!!!

    So happy for you girl! Can't WAIT to get to the 12 week mark. I can't lie though...I am kind of jealous that your pants have been zipping up up to this point. That is a total lost cause for me.

  3. You crack me up with the ponytail holder!! Only you would be so inventive - I would have called off or wore some stretchy pants! And your not crazy - i check to make sure Emmett's breathing still - that's crazy!! Love ya! :)

  4. Congrats on 12 weeks!! I am so happy for you. I totally used the ponytail holder trick in the beginning, too. Then I switched to bella band and 2 weeks ago I gave up and went with maternity pants. I bought 3 pairs at Old Navy and they came in my normal size (2). You can choose between different amounts of coverage, too. As for maternity tops, right now I'm in a small, but I assume as I grow I'll need a medium? Not sure! It's definitely confusing!!

  5. What a great milestone!! I know you will get to a place where you can actually be joyful, and totally understand why your not there 100% there yet. It's like falling in love in feeling's so risky to make the leap. But our hearts, they like taking risks and the rewards are amazing. xoxoxoxoxox