Sunday, June 6, 2010

Brown sugar


The changing table is ready to go which mean all nursery furniture is up and ready to be placed in its final destination.

That chair.

That chair we got is just so BIG.

The idea was to get a chair and a half so that we could be the adorable family sitting together in a chair.  Also, to have one that could be suitable for sleeping in as that's inevitable. (please recall that rockers/gliders make me motion sick, no good for anyone) But it's BIG and takes up a lot of space.  Some nursery fantasies might have to take a back seat, but it'll be alright. I'm sure we can figure it out. If I can get pregnant, certainly there's a solution for this, right?  Can't wait until it's all done!!

So I failed my glucose tolerance test MISERABLY.  Yeah, my level went to 179.  I've read that if it's 180, you have to get treated right away (whatever that means).  So now I get to go tomorrow and do the 3 hour test.  I know that failing the one-hour doesn't necessarily mean that I have gestational diabetes, but with that super high number, I sort of assume the worst.  Bright side is that at least it will force me to eat well.  Sitting there for 3 hours (they won't let me leave the office for any reason! And then they take blood once per hour) is going to suck. And it means another day off work.  Every day I take off, I think about how it's one less day I'll have with Sofia in the fall and that's depressing.  I only worked on half-day last week because I was so sick.  And now I'm missing tomorrow because of this test and my appt with the thyroid doc.  It'll all work out, right? 

Russ is trying to figure out his leave for the fall.  He originally wanted to take 3-4 weeks when she first comes, but now is thinking that maybe he'll take more time off on the back end when I have to go back to work so that we can delay her day care (not that we have any yet) as much as possible).  His boss (who is also a dear friend, more like family) offered to give him some of his sick time so he could be gone longer.  Is that the sweetest thing ever?  We're blessed. 

I hate that it all comes down to money and I find myself seriously praying that we win the lottery.  I know there are more important things to pray for (like my mantra "healthy baby girl Sofia" which I repeat to myself day and night), but I'm not saying I want to be crazy rich.  I just don't want to have to worry about her care.  All I'm asking for is enough so that I can take all of next year off and then when she's 1, she can go someplace for day care.   Who am I kidding?  If we win the lottery, it'd be great if I could be home the first few years, I know.  It's just a dream though.  And for people who think we could do it if we really sacrificed?  No way.  We need my income just as much as his. 

Lastly, I went back to brunette yesterday.  If you only know me from here, you're probably thinking that I've always been brunette because my profile pic is one of me with dark hair.  While I am a natural brunette, I've been on and off blond for about 15 years.  Up until yesterday afternoon, I was pretty gosh darn blond.  But now I'm back to my roots and really like it.  The choice was made because once she's here, I really can't afford my highlights (see?  I am sacrificing!), at least not ones that I'll be happy with.  As it is, I've been cutting corners and walking around looking in ways that I'd never thought I'd allow myself to be seen.  No more of those half-ass dye jobs. 

The bigger picture reason is because when I learned we'd be having a baby girl, I decided that it meant I had to go back to brown.  As you know (if you've been paying attention), baby girl Sofia is biracial.  I have no idea what her hair texture will be like, but am quite certain that it won't be straight and silky.  As hard as I'll try to prevent it, she'll likely have negative feelings about her hair and will wish it were more like mine. (I, on the other hand, will likely be envious of her hair - you know how that goes...)  So, the least I can do is make it darker so that it will resemble her's at least a little.  I've also considered getting a perm, but I don't think that's going to happen.  I know it might sound ridiculous, but having many black and mixed friends/family, I know this is a probable issue and it's the least i can do to try and remedy it.  I'm not naive enough to think it will solve the problem, but it's a little step that I can take now.  She needs to learn that her hair (and hair color) is beautiful and I plan to do everything I can to help her know that.  Her hair is perfect, her skin is perfect, her mind is perfect.

(Incidentally, even if i had married a white dude, I still know that this little girl will define beauty in terms of what I look like, so I would still want my hair to be close to hers, asssuming she'd inherit my natural brown hair.  None of this is to say that if baby girl comes out with unlikely red or blond hair, I'd dye it to match, it's just that I'm trying to send the message that whatever she comes out with is beautiful and doesn't that start with modeling that myself?)


  1. Uhhhg - sorry about the glucose tes. That bites the big weenie....hopefully you wont have to go back again after this one.

    Sofia is going to be on confident girl, because she has a mommy who is going to make sure she is comfortable in her own skin, while narrowing the gap between your traits. I get the hair color thing. I recently started looking at adoption info and considered an afro-american baby, but I somehow find it unfair to them to have two white parents. I realize part of that statement is silly, but I get the value and importance of fitting in and belonging, feeling not like an outcast. I don't under estimate the importance of it. Glad your looking at it from all aspects. Sofia is your blood though, so she will have some of your traits regardless. :)


  2. Sorry about your glucose test, but maybe (just maybe) you can pass the 3-hour.

    I actually think biracial babies are the prettiest babies in the world. We have several good friends who are biracial and they've never had any self-confidence issues. They're prettier, better at sports and very outgoing.

    My child will probably be cursed with incredibly curly hair and will most likely hate it. I guess we all have our traits we'd like to change.

  3. I'm sorry about the glucose tolerance test. I had to take the 3 hour, too, but I passed, so you still have a chance! I think it's sweet that you're already planning ways to help your daughter love herself for who she is. Sofia is one lucky girl! =)

  4. Boo about the 1 hour GTT. Hope the 3 hour one isn't too bad with all that time you have to spend in the office and that maybe you'll pass.

    I know Sofia will be absolutely gorgeous!! You are going to be a wonderful mother!!! XOX