I was SO FINE

We did our first shots last night...I was SO FINE until right before and then I started bawling my eyes out!  He did the shots (2 at once - he says "Let me know when you're ready" and then I sit there and breathe a lot...and then I say "OK" and he says "There's the first one...and it's out....here comes the next...and it's out...all done baby" I literally feel NOTHING and yet it freaks me out a little bit, or, OK a lot)...so anyway, he does the shots and I start crying because it feels like this is it.  Our last chance.  This out of control feeling about the most important thing ever is beyond difficult.  And I hate it.  But it will be OK because what else can it be?

So can i describe my kitchen table?  It looks like a chemistry lesson.  Vials...boxes...and NEEDLES!  Holy crap there must be at least 80 needles on my table.  While i use a lot of needles...at some point it will be 6 per day including the ones I use to draw up the meds...I certainly don't use all of the needles they give me.  So wasteful.  And it's not like I can just throw them out.  Well I could.  It would be a happy day for the homeless drug addicts and i do not wish to contribute.

My heads hurts today in a weird, new way.  Probably hormones starting to go nuts.  Hopefully I can sleep tonight.  Insurance has gone through by the way, so we are really all set.  So my friend wasn't pregnant...so depressing.  Sucks so crazy bad.  It's hard to not just wonder why it works for some so easily and why some of us struggle SO MUCH.  So many questions to be answered...and will we ever know for sure why?  No.  OK, I'm done blabbering on...almost time for the PM shots...