Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Feeling empty

I know I'm being ridiculous and I know what everyone will say (but please still say it anyway - I obviously need to hear it!)'s just that I don't feel pregnant.  I was lying in bed before my alarm went off and just got the feeling like I was back to normal. 

One of the reasons why this is ridiculous is because last night I spent a good 2 hours on the couch because I felt so queasy and icky.  I've been getting this feeling like I used to get right before my and during my period.  It's not so much cramps, but more of a full body ache.  I don't know if anyone else has ever felt it, but it almost feels like cramps that go down into your legs and up all over the abdomen and it puts me right out of commission from doing anything.  Over this past week it's been accompanied by the usual nausea and chills.  It last for a little while, usually 30-45 minutes and then goes away.  This used to always happen to me in high school.  Once I started the pill I never had it again.  But that's what been happening to me...not typical pregnancy symptom, but it's something. 

But that's all I've been feeling and I need more symptoms to convince me that we have a keeper here.  Keep in mind that my mother never had one pregnancy symptom throughout both of her pregnancies.  She says that she wouldn't have known anything was different had it not been for occasional kicking.  She says she never felt so good in her life, full of energy.  So maybe that will be me, right?

I want to ask for a 4th beta...better to get bad news now than wait for Monday.  But I'm nervous about that too. 

OK, I need to get my head on straight and realize that all this is normal and there is a little guy or two in me and I need to relax!!!  There is no way that I could sense something being wrong...except for that I think of course I would sense it and I am sensing it.

Obviously I've been up too long and I'm sleepy (and about to start my day - great!) and crazy.  Sorry to ramble about all my insecurities...I know I need to cherish this time, but that a challenge for me right now.

In better news I saw pregnant women at Target the other day and did not want to punch them in the face!!  I was happy to see them.  More on that experience later...only significant because I was in the baby section buying stuff for a friend and for the first time in forever it was no big deal to be there!  Although I wasn't excited to be there and look at stuff either.  Caution.  You know.

OK, off to getting ready for work...maybe I'll throw up today!!


  1. Something will happen today that will remind you are pregnant, just like yesterday and the day before and the day before. I think our minds are trained to worry, which is sad because we never get to enjoy anything, even when we are are excited. Whenever those moments occur...just take a few deep breaths and when you exhale, let go of the thought that's serving no purpose.

    Hooray for being able to shop for babies and look at pregnant ladies!!!!! That must be a great feeling!

  2. Don't worry too much ... I felt like you do for the first 7 weeks or so. It just felt kind of fake! But you ARE pregnant! I know it won't stop you from over-analyzing your body, but I hope you can relax a little bit.

    Also, if you DO get a 4th beta, remember that the doubling time slows down a lot as the numbers get higher than 1200. It is normal and expected for a beta over 1200 to not double for 72-96 hours, so keep that in mind!

    So excited for you!

  3. I don't know if this will make you feel better or not, but the same thing happened to me a few days ago. I woke up and thought, oh, my boobs aren't sore! I'm not ravenously hungry any more! It must be over!

    I felt "normal" for several days. No cravings, no sickness, no symptoms, even after my u/s showed at least one gestational sac that was normal.

    Yesterday, the boob aches came back, along with the massive fatigue. You know, as well as I do, that symptoms will come and go and a sudden "loss" of symptoms does not mean a loss of the pregnancy. Your body is adjusting to all the different hormones and trying to find a balance -- trust me, the feelings will come back!

    Hugs to you and hopes that you soon feel more PG than you ever have before!


  4. Tracey I havent been where you are but my heart goes out to you.Just remember girl that you are pregnant and that they will start up again... rest up and I am sending you positive vibes. Em

  5. I totally empathize with your worry. I haven't really "felt" pregnant the whole time so far either. (Well except sore boobs and being tired...but those things always happen to me.) I still have days when I think to myself "Something's got to be can I actually be pregnant??....I feel SO normal!!" But I keep trying to remind myself that most likely everything is fine and there is no point in worrying or being fearful of something that hasn't happened....UGH....its so hard though. As the weeks pass and when you get to see that precious first u/s hopefully you'll be able to accept that you are REALLY PREGGERS!!!

    Hope your symptoms get kickin so you have the constant reminder that your baby or babies are growing strong!!!

    Hang in there, Tracey!!! :)

  6. I honestly never had too many of those 1st trimester symptoms at all. I felt completely the same as before. I never threw up and never never even got queasy-- only once when I hadn't eaten for more than a few hours. But that was more like being a little carsick. I guess what I did feel eventually was lots of pulling and tugging, which is normal, too, since your body is stretching getting ready for a baby (or 2)! ;) Never had really sore boobs like others have- they were always slightly sore throughout IVF drugs anyway.

    Hope that helps, even a little!

  7. Yeah!!! For not punching the Target ladies! Woohoo! Making progress! Going to do some happy dances around the house....