OK, now I get it.
We actually saw the little guy!!! This is very real. Everything looks GREAT!! The babies heartbeat was 113 and I have no idea what that means, but she said it was strong.
When she first went in she did a lot of poking but didn't really say anything and then, sort of under her breath, I heard "there's the sac..." and then FINALLY she says everything looks good and there's a heartbeat! I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. THAT'S WHAT I'D BEEN WAITING FOR! I hadn't even cried yet and that's so unlike me. But here we were and it suddenly has all become real. We made a baby!!! I was crying so hard and shaking that she couldn't get the measurements right until I calmed down. (Cause I was trying to do that quiet cry thing where all I do is shake and sob and try not to sound like a dumb ass)
Dr. Browne just hugged and us and was beaming and then Farrah was too... I only go back there one more time and that makes me sad. I'll go on 1/20 for another ultrasound and then they release me. I have to make an OB appt for 3-4 weeks from now. I really wish I could stay with them - we've been through so much.
Also right then and there they gave me an H1N1 shot. I wasn't expecting that! They were surprised that I didn't already have a regular flu shot and advised me to get one.
We are so happy and relieved. We're finally exciting and believing that it's really happening. I hope this feeling lasts!!