THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING

What a difference a day makes.

Yesterday started out fabulously as we learned that we had some power blasts going back in.  I struggled last night with feelings of great anticipation and anxiety.  And, like always, immediately had a nightmare.  I don't usually have bad dreams, but I always do as soon as I have our embryo transfer!  I feel asleep and within 5 minutes I dreamed that Russ and I were on a train and it got crazy bumpy and jumped the tracks and crashed into a cement wall.  I experienced the feeling of "This is it, we're going to die".  I woke up immediately - Russ was still up watching TV and couldn't believe how fast I went to sleep and had the nightmare - he said I had been asleep for only 5 minutes or so.  I hope I don't have too many more, but in past cycles I have had lots.

OK, so this morning starts with FANTASTIC NEWS!  We have 2 frozen blasts!!!!  I started crying when my nurse told me.  THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.  Why?  Because now I know, no matter what, that this cycle is not my last.  We already have more waiting for us.  And it also indicates that we are having a powerhouse cycle, giving me more hope that one of the 3 will work.  I can't explain how different I feel about everything.  I want to go out and sing Christmas carols and roll around in some snow and bake cookies.  In other words, I am in the spirit - something I had been avoiding for weeks.  Yes, I'm still going into another holiday season childless, but at least I have a big, huge bucket of hope that I didn't have before. 

Wooooo hooooo!!!