Wait! You mean we have a chance?

And they're in!!!!

Today started with a call from Dr. Browne wishing us luck and informing us that our embryos are super duper fabulous!  She said that all 9 are still growing and dividing and that we even had one grade 1AA (the best possible!) blastocyst ready to go.  She said that this is by far my strongest cycle.  Woo hoo!  She also said that she felt more comfortable transferring 3 instead of 4 as originally planned.  She left it totally up to us, but we agreed that 3 would be good.  I have to say that I was pretty scared of the possibilities 4 could bring.  We really just want one (OK, two - but who's counting?!). 

So the procedure went just fine.  I always get my water intake wrong.  My bladder tends to fill very quickly and seems to be small (based on how often I pee) so I don't even start drinking my water until I get to the office. (you have to have a "moderately full" bladder so that they can use the ultrasound to guide the transfer)  So I peed as soon as I got there - went downstairs this time.  Last time the lady at the desk wouldn't let me go!  Then I started drinking and I only had my small water bottle and I didn't even finish it and, like always, I had to go so bad by the time they got the transfer!  It doesn't need to be that full.  You'd think I'l get it right after all this time.  The catherter didn't hurt at all and they got our 3 babies in there quickly and easily.

So here's the problem.  As you might recall, I was not feeling at all optimistic about this cycle.  In fact, my attitude has been that since we have insurance coverage, we'll go for it but we know it is highly unlikely that it will work.  Dr. Browne has said that had we come to her with cash, she couldn't in good faith do it.  Remember that?  OK, so now here we are in the middle of the best cycle we've ever had!  Of all the cycles we've done, this one has the greatest chance of working.  Great news, right?  Absolutely and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

However.

Living in my pessimistic world was comfortable.  I was starting to come to terms with the fact that I wasn't going to get pregnant.  I knew I could handle bad news in a couple weeks.  This great sense of hope that I have now is already killing me!  It's like Wait!  You mean we have a chance?! 

Holy crap.

Not what I expected.  So emotionally I'm on that roller coaster that's sending me back into the world of possibilities.  This could happen.  And they're in there right now, doing their thing.  Our little guys just trying to make it.  Go go go!!!

(my lap top isn't showing me spellcheck so my apologies for typos!!)