Tuesday, October 20, 2009

I know?

There could be people growing inside my body.  Think about that.  While beautifully miraculous, does anyone else find that a little weird?  This whole process is very strange.

Every cycle, I always say "If I were pregnant, I think I would know."  In cycle 3 I was convinced from the beginning that it didn't work.  My pregnant friend (hey Shel!) would tell me that if she didn't know that she was pregnant, she wouldn't "know" she was pregnant.  That was comforting at the time because it made me feel like maybe I wouldn't know if I was.  But here's the thing.  According to whatever it is inside me that tells me these things, I feel like I know.  I feel like there's babies in there.  I realize that saying this out loud could "jinx" it, but come on - if I'm not jinxed already, who is?  I also realize that this conclusion sets me up for potentially devastating news next week.  But how bad could it be, really?  Been there, done that.  I can handle it.

Speaking of bad news next week, I've come up with a plan.  If it's a no-go, I'm going to have a one evening pity party for myself (as opposed to the 5-week long ones I usually have which result in 8-10 pound weight gains).  I will go wherever I want and eat everything I want.  Right now I'm thinking Outback where I will get one of everything and have as much or as little as i like and take nothing to go since the next day I will get right back on track.  Did I mention that I lost 2.6 pounds last week?  While laying around the house eating EVERYTHING is sight?  I seriously think the scale was broken, but who's complaining? 

I came up with this plan because last cycle it was really great (well, relatively great) because we got the bad news on the road to North Carolina to celebrate our 10th anniversary.  Yes, the news came on the exact day.  I saw this as a great sign.  Wrong.  Anyway. Farrah called, gave us the bad news, and I cried for about 15 seconds before realizing that we missed our exit and the distraction kept me from boo-hooing at all.  And then to be able to go away for the weekend really helped a lot.  OK, so at this time of year that's not possible so eating bad food is the only thing I can think of.  And to be honest, I probably won't feel like eating that night, so we'll see.  Incidentally if it's good news, I have no idea what we'll do...eat good cause the babies need good food I suppose. 

Have I mentioned that it's 2:20 AM?  Yes, I can't sleep at all.  So much for the hormones inducing the best sleep ever.  Didn't do Zumba by the way.  I just felt like it was too risky.  Yoga was making me nervous enough with all the stretching and bending and twisting and pulling. 

OK, I'm off to the couch where I will find something on the border of interesting and boring to lull me to sleep.  8 more days...

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