I'M GOING TO EXPLODE

It's 2:13 AM...I have to trigger at 3.  I have butterflies the size of pancakes in my stomach...I wish they were pancakes.  Mmm...pancakes....

Why so nervous?  Because a 2.5 inch needle needs to be injected into my "upper, outer buttocks" in a little while.  And the needles ain't skinny.  It's a 27.5 gauge.  That's thicker than a pencil led (OK, maybe not WAY thicker, but thicker).  I've had this shot or one just like it 26 times throughout this process.  With any luck this will be the last one.  At about 2:30, I'll prepare the shot which involves mixing the water solution stuff with the powder (and to think I failed chemistry!) and then I'll go meditate in the bedroom for 15 minutes with an ice pack on the injection site.  Then Russ cleans the area and waits for me to give the go ahead at which point he'll inject and then lift the plunger to be sure we didn't hit a vein and then dispense the HCG which will make me ovulate, even though natural ovulation doesn't actually occur because they surgically remove the eggs.  Because of that I don't get why we do this part, but it's really important that it happens 36 hours before the egg retrieval.  They'll take mine at 3pm on Friday.  That's LATE.  I can't eat past 9 or drink past 11.  I'm not going to work.  We'll collect Russ's "sample" around noon (I'll spare you details of that but only out of respect for him - I'm happy to share!) and then head up to Rockville where we have to arrive by 1:30.  They'll take his stuff and "wash it" which I guess means make sure only the good ones have at my eggs.  Then they put an IV into me and I go into a little room where I quickly fall asleep a la Michael Jackson (no disrespect but I'm pretty sure the meds they use to put me out is the stuff that did him in) and in 15 minutes I'm out and done.  Easy peasy. 

So let me explain to you how I feel at this moment.  LIKE I"M GOING TO EXPLODE.  My left ovary has 6 follicles in over 2 centimeters each, some over 2.5!  Think for a moment about how freaking BIG that is.

Go on.  Add it all up and think about how my walnut-sized ovary is handling that much.

My right one has 4 that are all 1.8 cm.  On top of the feeling like a balloon, there is also cramping.  It's not the worst in the world, but not good either.  I actually feel like I haven't had it this bad before.  And the ta-ta's?  They're sore.  And I'm nauseous.  If it weren't IMPOSSIBLE I'd say I'm pregnant, but I know that's not true.  And that's one of the hardest parts of all this.  All the drugs and the process makes you feel like you're pregnant (especially later when they put the little guys in me) and you go 2 weeks wondering and wondering...

OK, sorry to cut you short, but I'm on a time-table here.  Gotta prepare the shot and go RELAX.  Oh and then after try to go back to sleep yeah right...