So I'm not using the baby board this time...I just couldn't look at that thing anymore. What's the baby board? Well, it's a vision board that Oprah told me to do. OK, she didn't tell me, she told the whole world to create a board with everything you want on it and it will come to you. I don't do everything Oprah tells me (OK, us) to do, but I come pretty close. It's from the Secret - you know the thing that says if you put out lots of rich, money-having energy, you'll get rich? Anyway, I created the board before cycle 2. It has pictures of mixed babies (or light-skinned ones) - the theme is twins, a boy and girl. It has the baby names on it and pictures of a stroller I like. I got the CUTEST baby booties and bibs and little caps. I used to like and focus on it when I was getting my shots and then it would just sit there in the living room... It's out of sight right now and I don't miss it. i figure I visualized enough. at one point last cycle, I truly wanted to throw the damn thing off the balcony. I felt it was mocking me. So now it sits in the corner facing the wall.
I feel the same, but my positive attitude is weening. How could I possibly know what's happening in there? This doubtful thing is obviously a defense mechanism designed to prepare me for the worst next week. Did I mention that if we do get bad news, we're going to have a one-night super pity party full of everything bad I could possibly eat? That's the only comfort I can think of. Sad, huh?
Was up again last night at exactly 2 AM. Ugh. That makes me think it's a bad sign too. Everything is not a sign!! I need to learn that. But why the no sleep? I wake up and all i do is analyze every little feeling. The "presence" i was feeling in my belly? I think it was just gas. But then I learned that progesterone causes gas. This is the only cycle where I've had bad gas SO I say it's because I have extra progesterone - the one I take 3 times a day with the cooch pill and the stuff my body is making because I'm pregnant! So i get all happy but then a minute later I'm convinced there's nothing in there. Considering this, i am still significantly less anxious than other cycles still so that's great.
6 more days...we're two-thirds of the way through.