I wonder if I am...

Here's the thing...either I'm pregnant or I'm not.  It's already determined at this point, so really I am now just playing a waiting game.  Now the praying can continue for things like a healthy pregnancy that sustains.  But whether or not they're in there is a done deal.  That knowledge makes the waiting much more difficult.  I'm sure I could "accidentally" show up tomorrow for my blood test and they'll do it.  But I'll wait.  Til Tuesday.  ("...voices carrr-rrryyy!")   As much as I'm thinking about it, I'm not really that anxious (definitely depends on your definition of anxious, though, I guess).  What I mean by that is that in the past, I've had such extreme feelings of anxiety (for like the whole 2 weeks!) that it was truly painful.  This time, I'm starting to get that excited "waiting in line for a roller coaster" feeling, but not too much.  What I feel is very peaceful.  Because I've convinced myself I'm pregnant.  Hmm...I wonder if I am.  Wouldn't it be nice?

Russ and I went for a walk today out on the bike path that I love so much (and that I haven't been on since the snake incident in June).  I was saying that some day we'll have our kids and look back on this time and just sort of forget what a pain all of this was.  It already feels like it hasn't been so bad.  I know it might sound crazy, but what will ever be more important than this?  Nothing.  So fighting a little bit is totally worth it and i can't really complain, especially if we end up with some kids.  It would be a real shame if we went through all this and still had no kids.  By the way, it's come to my attention that some people are unaware of the financial situation surrounding all of this IVF stuff.  Don't worry about us- we'll be just fine.  So far insurance has covered the vast majority of everything.  For all 4 cycles, we've spent maybe $4,000 or $5,000 total.  Not a big deal considering that if we had been paying cash, it would have been at least $100,000 by now.  We are blessed. 

2 more days....